Once upon a time a girl thought she needed to try to get to Western States to prove herself as an ultra runner so she signed up for Black Canyon 100K. Unfortunately, the girl spent too much time on flat fast running trying to break a bunch of open records on the track. She wasn’t feeling great about being able to run the 100K distance competitively and to be honest she didn't really care about running Western States. She loved being there, she loved crewing and pacing, but she just didn't have a desire to run the race (I know, sacrilege!). Despite knowing all of this, she struggled to come to a final decision. Every time she would think she had made a final decision she would almost instantly change her mind. She ran Elephant Mountain 50K as a training run and hoped it would give her some clarity about a decision. But it didn’t. She tried asking the Magic 8 ball several times, but the answer always came back “can't be decided at this time” (or something like that). A final decision wasn’t actually made until she started running.
In case you weren’t sure, I’m the girl in the story. I try to keep things here very honest, but I also struggle with how much to say because I don't want to look like an asshole. So at the risk of sounding like a total egomaniac, here it goes. I sometimes get really frustrated that when I do something that I think was pretty good, I get no recognition. It still really bugs me that when I was second in the Sky Running Series in 2016 I felt like I should have gotten some recognition for that. You know what I got, turned down by every company that I applied to for sponsorship or ambassador. And RD’s from races in the series turning down my request for comp’d entry to races. I worked hard for that and plan went as planned. I started out with an okay race, but finished strong. At Audi Power of 4 I beat women who regularly are written about. I did this as a person who lives in Phoenix, works 2 jobs that are basically each full time jobs, raising a family and working on my dissertation. So at this point, you might be thinking I should check my ego. But really, it is not my ego that’s the problem, it's my finances. I work as a teacher and adjunct professor because I love what I do. And I am really good what I do, I know from the feedback from my students, families and superiors that I was meant to do this. I don't need attention to feed my ego, I need to be able to afford to keep doing the thing I love the most, running competitively. Because as much as I love teaching, I would leave it in a heart beat to focus on running. I have decided to leave teaching at the elementary school, but I know I am going to have to come up with something to replace some of the money. Just something that doesn't take as much time.
That is how we ended up with this Black Canyon dilemma. I signed up thinking that I had to try to prove myself at Western States. But I gave myself one shot, Black Canyon. This should indicate that my heart wasn’t really in it.
In the mean time, I ran Elephant Mountain 50K. I love this race and the course. When I ran the CR record in 2015 I thought I was lost and spent a lot of time stopped and talking to people and even running back the way I had just come. I felt like I could lower my CR even though I was just running this as a training run. I wasn’t really sure I was in 50K shape, but I had a goal pace and was excited to be out racing against people again instead of chasing records no one else was chasing.
Race morning my excitement turned to serious nerves. I haven't run a trail race in what feels like forever. I get myself under control and head to the start line. Seconds from the start I look over my right shoulder and see Zach Bitter and Nicole Kalogeropoulos. Well, there goes a win I think to myself. I try to not let it shake me. You just have to run your race I keep telling myself. I realize that I can see Nicole all the time. She is clearly stronger than me on the climbs, but I am able to use my speed to close distance when things flatten out. I am never more than a few minutes behind her. I refuse to push the pace and keep reminding myself that this is a training run. But I do realize this is an opportunity to see how I fair running against her. I am guessing she is also running this a training run and I figure that makes it a fair comparison. My goal becomes to finish within 5 minutes of Nicole.
Zach and Nicole pass me and I am a bit confused. I think to myself “I don't remember going this way, but maybe I don't remember correctly.” I get to the aid station and Norm is there. I mean to tell him about Nicole and Zach, but forget because I am busy telling him about an AS situation that occurred. I came into an AS and someone was filling up her bladder from the cooler but the water pitcher was empty. “Don’t worry, we’ll get you some water,” the volunteer tells me. I kinda lost it. “Well I am worried because I’m in second place and trying to catch number one, so I am worried.” I am really appreciative of volunteers and so thankful for all the volunteers who have taken care of me. And I spent the whole rest of my run beating myself up for snapping at the volunteer. I still firmly believe that it doesn't matter if you are front of the pack, middle of the pack or dead fucking last. If you are in a hurry to get in and out of the aid station, they should do everything they can and not tell you to relax. I did apologize when I went back to the aid station because no matter what I shouldn't be an asshole.
Anyways, after I head back out I see someone on course and tell her about Zach and Nicole and she says they know already. I feel better about that. I walked more than I should have and finished in 5:02:36 which was slower than I was wanting, but better than my previous CR by 8 minutes.
In case you weren’t sure, I’m the girl in the story. I try to keep things here very honest, but I also struggle with how much to say because I don't want to look like an asshole. So at the risk of sounding like a total egomaniac, here it goes. I sometimes get really frustrated that when I do something that I think was pretty good, I get no recognition. It still really bugs me that when I was second in the Sky Running Series in 2016 I felt like I should have gotten some recognition for that. You know what I got, turned down by every company that I applied to for sponsorship or ambassador. And RD’s from races in the series turning down my request for comp’d entry to races. I worked hard for that and plan went as planned. I started out with an okay race, but finished strong. At Audi Power of 4 I beat women who regularly are written about. I did this as a person who lives in Phoenix, works 2 jobs that are basically each full time jobs, raising a family and working on my dissertation. So at this point, you might be thinking I should check my ego. But really, it is not my ego that’s the problem, it's my finances. I work as a teacher and adjunct professor because I love what I do. And I am really good what I do, I know from the feedback from my students, families and superiors that I was meant to do this. I don't need attention to feed my ego, I need to be able to afford to keep doing the thing I love the most, running competitively. Because as much as I love teaching, I would leave it in a heart beat to focus on running. I have decided to leave teaching at the elementary school, but I know I am going to have to come up with something to replace some of the money. Just something that doesn't take as much time.
That is how we ended up with this Black Canyon dilemma. I signed up thinking that I had to try to prove myself at Western States. But I gave myself one shot, Black Canyon. This should indicate that my heart wasn’t really in it.
In the mean time, I ran Elephant Mountain 50K. I love this race and the course. When I ran the CR record in 2015 I thought I was lost and spent a lot of time stopped and talking to people and even running back the way I had just come. I felt like I could lower my CR even though I was just running this as a training run. I wasn’t really sure I was in 50K shape, but I had a goal pace and was excited to be out racing against people again instead of chasing records no one else was chasing.
Race morning my excitement turned to serious nerves. I haven't run a trail race in what feels like forever. I get myself under control and head to the start line. Seconds from the start I look over my right shoulder and see Zach Bitter and Nicole Kalogeropoulos. Well, there goes a win I think to myself. I try to not let it shake me. You just have to run your race I keep telling myself. I realize that I can see Nicole all the time. She is clearly stronger than me on the climbs, but I am able to use my speed to close distance when things flatten out. I am never more than a few minutes behind her. I refuse to push the pace and keep reminding myself that this is a training run. But I do realize this is an opportunity to see how I fair running against her. I am guessing she is also running this a training run and I figure that makes it a fair comparison. My goal becomes to finish within 5 minutes of Nicole.
Zach and Nicole pass me and I am a bit confused. I think to myself “I don't remember going this way, but maybe I don't remember correctly.” I get to the aid station and Norm is there. I mean to tell him about Nicole and Zach, but forget because I am busy telling him about an AS situation that occurred. I came into an AS and someone was filling up her bladder from the cooler but the water pitcher was empty. “Don’t worry, we’ll get you some water,” the volunteer tells me. I kinda lost it. “Well I am worried because I’m in second place and trying to catch number one, so I am worried.” I am really appreciative of volunteers and so thankful for all the volunteers who have taken care of me. And I spent the whole rest of my run beating myself up for snapping at the volunteer. I still firmly believe that it doesn't matter if you are front of the pack, middle of the pack or dead fucking last. If you are in a hurry to get in and out of the aid station, they should do everything they can and not tell you to relax. I did apologize when I went back to the aid station because no matter what I shouldn't be an asshole.
Anyways, after I head back out I see someone on course and tell her about Zach and Nicole and she says they know already. I feel better about that. I walked more than I should have and finished in 5:02:36 which was slower than I was wanting, but better than my previous CR by 8 minutes.
Aravaipa awards are always fun!
Fast forward to Black Canyon. Early in the week I had decided that if I was going to race I was going to do it with no crew and no pacer. I had talked with my friend Caroline Boller about her decision to run Javelina after low mileage due to an injury. She told me you have to have a reason. I really thought about that. The reason wasn’t going to be a Golden Ticket. I wasn’t sure I could pull that off. In the end, I decided to run just to run. It was a good way to see where I was fitness wise going into the rest of the year. I had spent ore time that I had planned focusing on flat fast running and I knew that I would be okay at Black Canyon, but probably not anything to write home about.
New shoes and sunglasses from iRun. Hank ate my beloved Smith glasses but these Goodr sunglasses are pretty amazing. I think I need more.
Xtenex laces in and the new shoes are ready to roll at Black Canyon.
Clearly not prepared for this race at 6pm I am trying to hunt down hand held soft flasks. You do all your internet searching in a hydration vest, right?
I went out fast and was pushing the pace. I got stuck in the middle of some guys and was running a bit faster than I wanted. At the mile 12 AS I decided to hang for a minute and let them leave first so I could hang back. In reality I didn’t slow a lot, but enough that I felt more comfortable and like I was choosing the pace. I ran in 5th for a good amount of time and I moved into 4th for a bit, but she was right behind me and left the aid station before me. At mile 15 my stomach started bothering me and I was trying to take my time at the AS to get some food and fluids down. It was only mile 31is so I knew I had plenty of miles ahead of me to try to catch her again. Between this AS and Black Canyon City Lauren Coury passed me, but I knew that was going to happen, I just didn't know when. Still, sixth isn't so bad. I had been fighting stomach issues for over 15 miles. Not just fighting it, but really pushing myself to run as hard as possible. Coming into Black Canyon City Lauren and Molly hadn't left yet, but left pretty soon after I came in. I had decided I was done. I just didn't want to keep fighting my stomach. Nicole did everything she could to help me and talk me into to continuing. I looked for Nick. We had been running together for a while and I decided if he hadn’t left I would go back out with him, but if he had already left I would call it a day. Finally I found him. I went up to him and said, “hey let’s go!” and off we went. He had to stop for something, I don't remember what and he told me to go ahead and he would catch up. “Oh no, I’m not leaving you. You’re my plan for getting to the next aid station!” I knew that next stretch was long and felt even longer. My stomach actually felt a little better and I decided to just push as hard as I could. And surprise! My legs started cramping. I stopped to mix up some Skratch and worked to get down as much as possible with out over loading my stomach too fast. The leg cramping would come and go and I would just try to push through, but it was making me nervous about getting my feet picked up enough to not eat shit. No one was catching us and we even over took someone. We were rolling. But where was the f*cking aid station????? I was so hungry.
We came and refilled out bottles and decided to sit for a minute. Pretty quickly I started to see stars in front of my eyes and feel like I was going to pass out. My stomach went from feeling yucky to feeling like I was fighting back vomit. I tell the volunteer that I might pass out, just so he knows. He asks if I would object to a salt pill. I wouldn't object to anything at this point if you told me it would help. I take it manage to get down some bean tortilla rolls. A woman comes in and leaves. Another woman comes in and leaves. I am trying to muster up the will to fight to catch them. Nick and I get ready to leave and I tell him to go ahead because I can't run. I am fighting not to puke. He walks a bit and then suggests we try to shuffle. I can't. Again I tell him to go. I am glad he did because It was a 4.8 mile hike for me. I tried to tell myself to enjoy it. Look around and enjoy being outside and seeing what was around me. I also have time to reflect on my day. I know that I am dropping when I get to Table Mesa. But I also know I didn't give up easily. I fought hard with the hopes that things would turn around. I feel good about my run.
Some may say the fact that I dropped makes it not a successful day, but I disagree. I made a really good friend today. We worked together to keep going when neither of us wanted to be out there any more. We plan to get together for some runs in the future. As soon as Nick used the F word, I knew he was my new best friend. I also have an idea about the stomach problems I have been having lately. I think I need more electrolytes and I need them sooner. I also learned that my pack is trying to kill me. I came into an AS and Chris Thorney (Squirrel’s Nut Butter) asked “what do you need?” “Squirrels Nut Butter!” Thank you to Chris for spreading it all over my chest while I held my shirt up. I eventually had to shove my buff into my sports bra to buffer between my pack clasp and my chest. My pack rubbed my chest, rib cage and back raw. My ribs look and feel like someone punched me. It might be time to look for a new pack. The other thing I realized is that when I wear a pack, I don't drink as much. I feel like I run better without a bottle in my hand. I just feel better. But this pack was killing me all day and I need to be drinking a lot more. It’s good information as I start working towards my goals for the year.
We came and refilled out bottles and decided to sit for a minute. Pretty quickly I started to see stars in front of my eyes and feel like I was going to pass out. My stomach went from feeling yucky to feeling like I was fighting back vomit. I tell the volunteer that I might pass out, just so he knows. He asks if I would object to a salt pill. I wouldn't object to anything at this point if you told me it would help. I take it manage to get down some bean tortilla rolls. A woman comes in and leaves. Another woman comes in and leaves. I am trying to muster up the will to fight to catch them. Nick and I get ready to leave and I tell him to go ahead because I can't run. I am fighting not to puke. He walks a bit and then suggests we try to shuffle. I can't. Again I tell him to go. I am glad he did because It was a 4.8 mile hike for me. I tried to tell myself to enjoy it. Look around and enjoy being outside and seeing what was around me. I also have time to reflect on my day. I know that I am dropping when I get to Table Mesa. But I also know I didn't give up easily. I fought hard with the hopes that things would turn around. I feel good about my run.
Some may say the fact that I dropped makes it not a successful day, but I disagree. I made a really good friend today. We worked together to keep going when neither of us wanted to be out there any more. We plan to get together for some runs in the future. As soon as Nick used the F word, I knew he was my new best friend. I also have an idea about the stomach problems I have been having lately. I think I need more electrolytes and I need them sooner. I also learned that my pack is trying to kill me. I came into an AS and Chris Thorney (Squirrel’s Nut Butter) asked “what do you need?” “Squirrels Nut Butter!” Thank you to Chris for spreading it all over my chest while I held my shirt up. I eventually had to shove my buff into my sports bra to buffer between my pack clasp and my chest. My pack rubbed my chest, rib cage and back raw. My ribs look and feel like someone punched me. It might be time to look for a new pack. The other thing I realized is that when I wear a pack, I don't drink as much. I feel like I run better without a bottle in my hand. I just feel better. But this pack was killing me all day and I need to be drinking a lot more. It’s good information as I start working towards my goals for the year.
Wearing my house shoes pre race
Wearing my house shoes post race. It's hard to be sad with teddy bear house shoes on your feet.
Not only did my pack rub me raw in multiple places, it left my rib cage bruised. Like hurt to breath and roll over bruised.
