Last weekend I went with Del, my friend and Aravaiapa teammate, for a long run with some climbing. It was some much needed time on the trails with a friend. I don’t think there was a moment of silence the entire time. I took her to one of my favorite places to run. I rarely run here because it doesn't feel safe by myself. She loved it as much as I do and we made plans to come back and do more exploring. During the course of our run she told she may or may not have a pacer at Mogollon. WHAT? Sign me up. It’s not my favorite place to run, but good grief she can’t be out there alone. That would suck. September is shaping up to be a busy month for me.
Today I am preparing and waiting (somewhat) patiently for Jackrabbit Jubilee to start. I wasn’t 100% sure I was going to make it to the start line. My mileage isn't where I would like it to be. I also ran too long in shoes that needed to be replaced and now have some heel pain. It is also so ridiculously hot here, even over night that I just don’t want to be running. But I guess I am going.
If you follow my Strava you know that I am not so happy at work this year. (i.e. naming runs “practicing my I quit speech.) I have always loved the elementary school where I teach, but things changed this year. The school decided to hire a principal. She is nice as a person, I just don't want to work for her. Ideologically we don't agree. In general, things have just changed and what I loved about teaching there has left with that change. It’s taken a toll on me because I am sad that I might have to leave a job I use to love. But I am also sad because it will mean leaving a community that I have loved being a part of for the last 3 years. If you are thinking I am crazy for talking about being unhappy here, it’s okay. For one thing, I don't think anyone I work with reads my blog. And second, I haven't exactly been quiet about not being happy. It wouldn’t come as surprise to any one reading my blog.
Leading into Jackrabbit Jubilee I wasn’t sure I even wanted to race. I haven’t been handing the heat well this summer and it was going to be hot. But as race day approached I started to get a little excited. I feel like I haven’t raced in forever. I was looking forward to grinding out some miles. When I found out the race was USATF road certified we looked up the American age group records. I set my sights on a couple of records, talked with Hayley and Jubilee and was feeling good.
I got a chance to talk to Ron Ledesma (sp?) for a little bit. For those of you not familiar with the Phoenix running community, Ron lost his leg to a motorcycle accident recently. It was good to see him at the race. And his positive energy was just amazing! Ron was telling me that he can do everything he use to do, he just has to do it differently. He told me a story about getting into the car and hitting his leg. I told him he has to get in the car like a lady. Sit and swing the legs. He replied, “that isn't the only thing I have to do like a lady, peeing like a lady is a lot easier.” Ha!
After a few miles I started feeling sick to my stomach. I spent 10 miles throwing up in my mouth. Actually throwing up in my mouth! Gross! About mile 12 my head started to hurt. Quickly the back of my head was hurting and my shoulders were feeling tight and painful. Around mile 16 I realized I had taken in zero calories. I drink some mountain dew and tried to eat some peanut m&m’s but I was barely able to choke down one. I kept running thinking maybe a cheese quesadilla would be okay, but there weren’t any. It was going to be a while before I could get a cheese quesadilla. I managed to choke down a really small bit of bean and cheese wrap. My headache was getting worse. I knew I was not taking on any calories. Norm was encouraging me to keep going, but I just didn't want to. There are times where I have to dig deep and push through whatever is going wrong. But I just didn't care. I don't know how else to explain it.
Part of this came from a conversation I heard during the race. Behind me I heard 2 guys talking. Guy one made a comment about how I was running too fast. Guy two defended me saying I was a fast runner. Guy one said there was no way I could hold that pace. Guy two again defended me saying that I would probably slow down a bit but I would still run fast and a lot of miles. After that I put on my headphones.
Thank you to guy one for defending me. To guy two I say this. You have no idea what I am doing. I wasn’t planning to run that fast all night. I needed to run that fast to break the 50 mile AG record. After that I was going to slow significantly. It shouldn't be probably, but it's hurtful to hear. I hear things like this all the time. Or people telling me that I am running too fast. Maybe you think you are being helpful when you say these things. You aren’t. Norm and I had this conversation earlier in the week. I thought it would be fun to just go out and run as fast as possible to see how long I could do it. I wanted to use the race to play around, but I was hesitant because I know people will talk. And not just behind my back, but to my face. Look, I am no Jim Walmsley. And to be clear we are friends. But he goes out all out and people call him brave. I go all out and people call me stupid. It’s annoying, Just let me do what I want and be supportive. Or don't be, but keep it to yourself.
So maybe those comments should have made me want to gut it out, but really it just made me want to leave.
At 20 miles I left the course to lie down on a cot. I felt exhausted, which I am pretty sure was due to lack of calories. Enzo and Brandi were at a friend’s not too far away and came to get me. On the way home my appetite came back with a vengeance and we stopped for some food. At home the kids were all hugs and love. We sat around and laughed. It was good to be home. And I didn't feel bad one bit about calling it a day and heading home.