Monday 1/18
 
It was a beautiful morning. The temperature was great, there was very little wind and most of the snow and ice was gone. Although I had the day off of work, I still had a lor of work to get done to be ready to start classes on Tuesday. I really thought about trying to go ahead and get my long run done for the week, the rest of the week does not look as pleasant weather wise. Sadly, my hamstring started hurting so I called myself happy with 14 miles for the day. 
 
The afternoon brought a mix of sunshine and snow showers. I love the snow and I loved watching it float past my window as I sat reading. I decided this year I would spend one hour a day reading for pleasure. I ended spending almost two hours reading because the book was so great. I am currently reading Holy Envy by Barbara Brown Taylor. (I just finished The Adventurers Son and you should read it immediately!)
 
It’s feeling a bit silent around here. 
 
Tuesday 1/19
 
I really slept like shit last night. I have chronic insomnia and I never sleep well, but some nights are worse than other. I would rather wake up and just be awake. Instead, I just woke up about every hour and had to spend a few minutes or so trying to get myself back to sleep. 
 
I struggled when my alarm went off, but I got myself up and out the door although it was a little later than I wanted. Although the temperature was the same as every other day it felt cold in a way that it hasn’t felt cold before. I struggled to warm up. It was dark, I was cold, and I was struggling to avoid snow and ice. Sometimes you just have to call it not a great day of running and go home.
 
Wednesday 1/20
 
I actually slept. Despite of or maybe because the wind was making so much noise outside. We were having 30 mph winds with 50 mph gusts. When my alarm went off I decided to sleep more and run in the afternoon. The wind was projected to calm by the afternoon so I figured I could run after work. I’m done pretty early on Wednesday so I would have plenty of time to for a run. The problem was the wind didn’t die down, not at all. The wind was intolerable. Like it was making me irrationally angry. It was making my ears hurt deep inside. Running into the wind felt impossible. But when it was at my back it was like an angry person pushing me. No matter the direction I was running the wind was pushing and moving me so that I had very little control over my own body.
 
I decided to head down a path I don’t usually use because it feels less safe. It’s strange how you can be so close to a place that feels safe and the feeling changes. It’s even close to the police station. 
 
Thursday1/21
Finally, a beautiful morning! Since I don’t teach until 9:30am I am able to get a nice long run done before going to work. It’s also today that I realize that my hamstring isn’t bothering me anymore. I made sure to enjoy every moment of the moderate temps, no wind, and especially no ice. 
 
Friday 1/22
I had planned to run in the afternoon so that I could get some fast running done. It was perfect. The paths were snow and ice free.  The temperature was cold but I’m used to it so it doesn’t feel bad. The best part was there was no wind. About a mile or so in I was feeling like I needed to poop. Ugh. I stopped at the bathroom and no luck. I headed back and tried to push the pace to end up with a massive stomachache that left me doubled over on the side of the path. I tried again to poop behind a bush but again no luck. So, I gave up and decided to just slow the pace to get the miles done. 
 
Saturday 1/23
It was the most beautiful, magical, winter wonderland! Snow had been falling for hours by the time I left. The city was so quiet. Not only was it beautiful with the falling snow with everything blanketed in white, but it was so nice to have the empty streets to myself. The snow slows me a bit since I am just running in my road shoes. I was also mindful of my hamstring. The last time I tried to run fast in the snow I ended up straining my hamstring.  
 
Because of the footprints in the snow, I saw a path I have never run in before and followed the footprints. I have run past this spot a dozen times and never noticed this path. It wasn’t a long path, but it was pretty. I headed back towards my usual route. I had a dog run out of me and scare the shit out of me. I shrieked and then firmly said “No! Stop!” and the growing, barking dog did. It amazes me how often that works. 
 
I was thinking I would get 20 miles done. I honestly could have kept running for so much longer because it was so beautiful. At mile 15 I stopped at the bathrooms and when I took my gloves off, I decided to throw my handwarmers out. They didn’t feel so warm and I just thought that they weren’t really doing anything for me. I am an idiot. My hands were painfully cold before I was even a half a mile away from the bathroom. How stupid was I to think that the handwarmers weren’t working? My hands weren’t cold in the slightest all those miles. Of course, the handwarmers didn’t feel hot, it was because they were battling to work in 20 degree temps. I made I the 2 miles home to get 17 miles. My hands were painful from the cold. I was done. 
 
When I was moving here more than one person asked how I would get my training done. And to be honest, I was a little worried about training in the winter myself. But the winter isn’t a problem at all. The winter is actually pretty nice. I am glad I didn’t invest in an expensive running jacket because my Rabbit windbreaker/rain jacket is always more than enough. The thing that makes training hard here is the wind. The last few days with no wind have been amazing, but I know it won’t it last.
 
Sunday 1/24
On Saturday it snowed and snowed and snowed. When I left to run my weather app said it was 13 degrees but felt like 4 degrees. But the temperatures where no problem. It was the deep snow that was the problem. I quickly learned that running in the middle of the neighborhood roads was the best option. The sidewalks were just too deep with snow for me to be able to actually run. The other issue was that my nanospikes broke a while back I have been managing without. But today they would have been really helpful. The slightest hill was hard to get up. By about mile 4 I was starting think this run was going to be a disaster. It’s pretty hard to run very far here without encountering a hill or two. I ran in a lot of circles. But it was beautiful and peaceful for a while. I was surprised at how the traffic was picking up. This was making it difficult to find a safe place to run. I headed to a road I knew was flat and hoped would be pretty empty. Meanwhile the fog was getting thicker. I was feeling good, so I headed over towards the pedestrian path by the river. I knew I wouldn’t be able to run on the path but thought the road might work out. And it did! When I stopped at the bathroom my face had a nice frosty covering. The goal for the day was 13 miles and it was looking like I was actually going to get it done. Everything was fine until I turned and was headed back the other direction. The wind wasn’t strong, but it was making my face hurt. My eye lashes had been freezing together all morning, but now it was really bad. The irrational part of my brain started to panic. Was I stupid to be running in this? Was I doing some damage to my face? And then I see some guy just walking his dog in a jacket like it’s no big thing. I tell myself people climb Everest I can run a mile home. 
 
I wasn’t sure I was going to get the miles done this week, so I am happy that I met my goal. Now I have to work on getting long runs done. How much longer is winter?
 
It’s great to be back at work and doing what I love. The weekend feels a little long, but I will be back to working on my dissertation soon and I am trying to put together a proposal for a psychology book club on campus. I expect that in time I will find a way to fill the long weekend days. 

​I should have been keeping track of my running, but as usual I took on too much. My college students are turning in late assignments in an amount that makes me want to weep profusely. They love to follow up those late assignments with emails asking me if I have their assignments and when I will grade them. And I have been helping out at the Cheder teaching math. It makes me so happy to be with students that I taught many years ago. So, just like always, I have been mostly running in the early mornings. 
 
Early in the week I received an email from Aravaipa saying that since the team didn’t get to do much racing, they would roll us over into 2021 and to let them know if we were interested. I am interested! So, race planning begins. I registered for a 50- mile race in April to try for my Desert Solstice qualifier and a race in Wyoming in September.  
 
Running was progressing really well. I was doing more climbing. My mileage was staying steady around 60 miles. I was getting some speed and feeling stronger. I have been running with my friend John at least once a week since I have been back. He has been very kind to let me slow him down while we chat away the miles.  I joined him on a Saturday, so I get some company in the middle of my long run. What I didn’t know was that he had big climbing plans for the short 8 miles we were running together. But honestly, I didn’t think anything of it.  I had been doing a decent amount of climbing and my Achilles has been totally fine. With my climbing and descending skills in the toilet right now there was actually quite a bit of walking. I don’t remember having any pain that day, it wasn’t until later in the day that I noticed pain in my heel and some tightness. I took my mileage down a bit and stuck to the neighborhoods and canal so I would be doing no climbing. I dropped all speed work. I hoped I feel better by the end of the week, but I ended up feeling worse. I was determined to keep running and work through this. I was stretching, massaging, and doing the exercises. By the middle of the week I was starting to feel better and added in some speed, followed by some faster running on Saturday with John. By the start of this week the Achilles was back to feeling normal. Note to self, you are an old person now and must keep up the stretching, massaging, and exercise. 
 
And if it isn’t one thing it is another, as soon as I recovered from the Achilles pain, I was suffering from ankle pain. Just random, out of nowhere, running on the flat canal I started having ankle pain. I shouldn’t have, but I finished my run. My week ended up with very low mileage as I had to take some days off and then cut back on my mileage to let my ankle heal. Thankfully it healed up quickly and last week I was back to running. I had to stay off the trail, but by the end of the week I was able to run fast without any pain. I ended up with my highest mileage week in a very long time with 84 miles.
 
The last week hasn’t been great for my running. I am back in Casper (Wyoming) and the weather has been throwing everything at me. I didn’t run on Monday because we were in Grand Junction and it was icy out. We finished the drive to Casper and then spent the afternoon and evening unpacking boxes and shopping. I haven’t been in my apartment in 2 months, so I needed to do some dusting and get some groceries.  
 
Tuesday I was back running along the Platte River, one of the most beautiful spots to run. I always love running here. When I left for winter break, I was enjoying moonlight and the flowing water. Today it was just as beautiful but totally different. Many parts of frozen, but there are beautiful views of rushing water here and there. Some place the ice looks smooth, as if you could ice skate on it. In other places there are mounds of snow that like look mountains in miniature. There are so many large geese sleeping. It’s hard to get use to the constant blowing wind again, but not terrible. Although my ankle was a bit sore after my run and I was worried that I strained it again by need so much force to propel myself through the wind. (Luckily, the soreness would subside and never been an issue the rest of the week.)
 
Wednesday morning it was so windy! Normal for Casper, but still not my favorite thing to deal with. Norm kept asking if it was always like this, and the answer is most of the time. We have a pretty consistent 20 to 30 mph wind here. Occasionally you get a wind free day, but not often. When I was having my coffee, I realized that the wind had died down a bit. Instead of finishing my coffee I headed out, hoping to beat the gusts. It wasn’t long before the gusts were blowing at about 50 mph and I often had no control over where my body was going. When it started to feel dangerous, things flying at me and me almost tripping myself as the wind blew one foot into the other, I headed home. It was a shame because the temperature was a very pleasant 40 degrees and minus the wind, I could have run a lot more miles. 
 
Thursday, I woke to icy conditions. To be fair, I knew it was would I wake up to because the evening before ice had started falling from the sky. Not snow, but sharp and noisy ice. (I guess sleet?). It was a very good thing that I waited for light. In the dark I would never have been able to see the slick patches of ice. For whatever reason, one side of the street seemed a lot clearer of ice than the other. What I learned today is that crunchy ice is good. As long as I could stay where the ice was crunchy, I could run okay. But trying to watch for slick spots was exhausting and I headed back home thinking I would end with about 4 miles. Disappointing. But when I was almost home, I saw the sidewalks clear around some federal buildings and the post office and from there discovered that if I ran next to railroad tracks, I could run easily. The dirt ground was often ice free or had the magical crunchy ice with no slick spots. So, I did some loops and ended up with 7 miles. It was the kids of running that wasn’t physically hard, but mentally hard. I grew weary of trying to watch my every step and the constant worry of slipping and falling. 
 
Friday, I headed back to the river and was pleased to find that the paths were clear. It takes a little longer to get my body to want to do any fast running when it’s in the teens out, but I was eventually able to get some speed. My Suunto was being ridiculous, often saying I was running a 3min mile pace or some other ridiculous speed. From the effort and my breathing I would guess I got some miles in at about  7min mile or maybe a 6:50min mile pace. But definitely not the 5:45min mile pace that showed up in my Strava.
 
I slept in on Saturday. Waking at 7am in sleeping in for me. When I looked out the window, I saw everything covered in snow. When I left, I had no one of knowing what a gorgeous morning of running I was going to get. Back to the river I went. The paths were covered in pretty deep snow, but snow is easy to run on, even in my road shoes. If Norm hadn’t been waiting for me, I would have run for much longer. The temperature was perfect, there was no wind, and I was worried about slipping in falling. I was just enjoying running. I loved seeing the animal tracks and thinking about the paths made by others walking and running. When I would run past where I had run before, I would smile at how tiny my footprint seems compared to the others. It was a lovely morning. I came home tired and happy. Although it didn’t seem like it at the time, I think I was working harder running in the snow. I know I was using muscles I don’t normally use. When I told Norm how tired I felt he commented that I had a run a half marathon at what a lot of people consider race pace. I guess I never thought if it that way. 
 
There was this moment when I topped a small hill and could see downtown and this thought came to me, “this is my home” in a way that was comforting.
 
I needed to have Norm at the airport by 7am I waited to run until after I had dropped him. The weather was perfect. I was bummed when my hamstring started being cranky. I had hoped that after I warned up it would start to feel better. I tried to avoid snow and hills to keep it happy, no easy task in Casper. When the wind picked up and any running into the wind was annoying to my hamstring, I called it quits at 12 miles. Sadly, my mileage is really low this week and I didn’t get in a long run, but with race planned it better to try to avoid any sort of serious and prolonged hamstring strain or create an injury. 
 
When I came home my apartment was so quiet. Of course, it was quite when Norm was here, it isn’t as if he makes a lot of noise. There is something different about the quiet in a house when you live alone. Yes, over the years there have been times where my house was empty, but it is not the same. I have noticed it before living In Casper alone, different quiet. The sound of setting things down, opening and closing cabinets, and even bare feet on the floors. All of these things take on a sound that is different than when there is another living being in the house, when that other being is silent and unseen. I guess that sounds rather depressing, but it’s not. Sometimes it is lonely, sometimes it is boring, but not depressing. 
 
The college will go back this week, I will start working again on my dissertation, and I will settle into my schedule. I had hoped to write a training plan, but for the time being I think it’s best to have a weekly go and do what I can based on the weather for the day. 
 
 
 
 
 
 

So much has happened since my last blog post. My foot healed, I moved to Casper, WY by myself, and started teaching at Casper College. When I first moved to Casper, I was barely running when I moved to Casper. After my foot healed and I could go back to running the Achilles tendonitis came back and I was trying to keep it from becoming full blown again.  I had joined a gym in Casper so that I could go to hot yoga. It is the only place in town with hot yoga. It’s not great yoga, but it is better than nothing. I also started going to outdoor yoga by the river. It’s kind of amazing. I love that I can walk there. I love doing yoga under the trees and with views of the river. One day a racoon kept popping its head out of a trash can to look at us and it made me my smile for hours! It is also not my favorite yoga, but I like the people. I go there and people know me and talk to me and it’s nice. 
 
For a while I was skipping the running and since I hate the elliptical, I decided to try the rowing machine and discovered that I love it. So, for a brief while I was rowing for my cardio until I could go back to running. Of course, as soon as I started running again, I had the pain coming back in the Achilles. I was doing some Googling to try to figure out what to do because I have to go back to running and ran across someone talking about massage being the key. And it worked! As long as I massage my heal and my calf a couple time a day for a few minutes I am pain free and running. At the end of this week I will have run 60 miles and be pain free.
 
The running in Casper is pretty amazing. There are lots of multi-use paths. Sadly, not all connected, but that seems to be the eventual plan. Not all lighted but some are and that is amazing for early running morning. I can run the path by the river, and it is light enough that I can see what I am doing. And there are bathrooms and water on this path. I am big fan. I have discovered paths to are super flat and go on for miles and miles. In the early mornings I usually start by running around downtown where I live because it is so well lit. On the weekends I love to run the streets and look at all the beautiful old houses. It’s not a big city so if you want a lot of miles you really have to be running up and down streets. It always feels super safe. I rarely see anyone running or otherwise.  My biggest concern is a loose dog or a scaring a deer into the street and having it get hit by a car. 
 
When I first started running, I was running in the afternoon after work. I was convinced that as the weather got colder I wouldn’t won’t to run in the morning. But I really prefer running first thing in the morning, so I went back to the mornings and the cold weather hasn’t been a problem. So far, the coldest has been around 17 degrees, I think. It isn’t really the cold but the wind. 20 mph winds are pretty much an everyday deal around here and 40mph gusts are not rare at all. I did buy some warmer gloves, but they aren’t worth the $50 they cost me. My hands are just as cold as they were when I wore cotton gloves. They are gore-tex so that will come in handy when it is snowy or rainy.  I did try to run day after a big snow with mixed results. I pulled out my nano spikes to discover that they rubber had broken on one of them I tried to give it a go, but it wouldn’t stay on. In the end it was too bad. I stayed on paths that I knew had been shoveled or where the area would have gotten a lot of sun and the ice would have melted and evaporated. I am looking at the Salomon running shoes that have the metal grip built in, but they only come in men’s sizes so I don’t know how that will work for my tiny foot. Come on Salomon – that’s not cool. Women need grippy shoes too! 
 
But I am not in rush about the shoes because I am coming home soon! It’s a good news/bad news situation.  My college has decided to go online for the rest of the semester after Thanksgiving. We continuously have quite a few cases on campus and the decision was made to keep from overwhelming the public health system here. I just read in our local paper that Wyoming has the highest rising rate of cases in the country and we are at the bottom of the list for mask compliance. Sigh. 
 
I am happy to come home and see my family and maybe even more my dog Pasta. But I also have really loved living in Casper so it’s a little bittersweet to be leaving, even temporarily. Casper is pretty interesting place. Maybe still stuck in the past, but the people are nice. For being such a conservative town it’s also a very artsy town. Evidently there is a law on the books that women can also be topless so there is a woman who rides her moped around town with no top on. I have to admit that I almost crashed my car the first time I saw her. My mind couldn’t work out what is was actually seeing! It’s nice because it’s small enough to be very walkable and feel like a small town. Driving it takes me about 10 minutes to be across town. But it’s big enough to have everything you would need, and for the rest you can always order it. Denver is only 4 hours if you really need big city shopping. I have already been a few times but that was to take advantage of cheap airfare. Casper sits at 5000 feet above sea level but in 15 to 20 minutes I can be at 8000 feet and the top of Casper mountain. I haven’t done any running up there, just hiking.
 
Hopefully the running will continue and I might even hope into some races before the year ends and I will have more to report on a regular basis.
 
 
 
 
 
 

​Before I start my self-absorbed story about my broken foot, I want to tell you about Tommy Rivs Puzey. This guy is just about the nicest person you will ever meet. Just so amazing enlightened and still down to earth.  And he is amazing athlete. And a loving husband and devoted father. My favorite memory is running with him at Aravaipa Big Pine and he had so much bllo running down his face he looked like he had been in a bar room brawl and lost. I just get nose bleeds when I run I said when I expressed concern. I am telling you this because Tommy has been diagnosed with a rare lung lymphoma. I read the journal articles this morning and I wish I hadn’t. If you can give anything to help this family, here is the link 
 
https://www.gofundme.com/f/Tommy-Rivers-Rest-Up
 
If you believe in miracles and say prayers, this family needs them.
 
There hasn’t been much to blog about when it comes to running because I have basically been injured since January. While trying to heal my Achilles tendonitis I developed what seemed to be another sports hernia. I intended to just have the surgery to repair it this time, but due to Covid that option was off the table. I tried to manage training and running and healing. After moving back to Phoenix, I met with Charlie (my PT) and he gave me some abductor exercises to get the strain healed. I was going to yoga a few times a week and running again. Adjusting to the heat was not going well but I was happy to be back to running on a consistent basis. 
 
I hadn’t ventured onto the trail. I was nervous. I worried about snakes. I worried about tripping because I haven’t been on rocky trails in such a long time. I worried about the running hills and stressing the adductor strain. But I signed up for the Silverton Alpine race because the stress if trying to find housing in Casper, WY is getting to me. (I took a job in Casper, WY and can’t find a place to live, but will explain all of that later.) Then I told my friend John I would run with him on the trails and decided I better give it a try first. Everything was going well. I was a bit slower than I would like to be, but I was enjoying the run. Then I came down on my left foot and knew instantly that something was really wrong. But it is often the case that I think the world is ending only to discover that is a few minutes the pain is much better. I waited a few minutes, but it didn’t seem to be getting better. I try to run, but it isn’t possible. I try to walk and that isn’t happening. I have to stop and just rest for a bit. Minutes pass and the pain is not getting better. I am 3.5 miles from home and I have to get there someone. 
 
I can walk and it will take forever, or I can run and get there in half the time. I decide to run. Either way I am terrible pain so I might as well get home more quickly. I get off the trail and onto 7th Street thinking that the road might hurt less than hitting rocks on the trail. The road isn’t better and the people are driving way over the speed limit and dangerously close. I decide to hop back on the trail. I tough it out ofr 3 miles and end up walking the last half mile because I can’t take it. 
 
I round the corner on my street and see Norm. He is walking back and forth across the yard and I am calling his name, but he never hears me. I see him get in his truck to leave for work. Lucky for me Norm sits in his truck for a ridiculously long time before actually starting to drive. He sees me come into the yard and comes inside but I am super cranky because I am in pain. We get my shoe off and my foot is swollen.  I sit on the couch and try to decide if it is broken. The swelling is now like a gold ball in the bottom of my foot and there is bruising across the top of my foot at where the toes meet the foot. I decide it’s time to see someone. A friend tells me when she broke her foot the ER wouldn’t treat her and sent her to an orthopedic doctor. I discover that the Core Institute is doing emergency orthopedic exams due to Covid and call them. All is fine until they tell me my insurance says it is inactive (it isn’t). I call my insurance company and they tell me everything is fine. I call the Core Institute back and tell them my insurance is active and they have the same problem again. They tell me they will call me back. Meanwhile, Norm has come home to take me the doctor. Since I am in a holding pattern I have him help me with a shower and find my crutches in the shed. Just as I am getting settled on the couch again the Core Institute calls and says they have my insurance approval. Norm takes me to doctor. 
 
I had an appointment at the Core Institute back in 2013 and it was a nightmare. I didn’t have insurance and so I have to prepay for my appointment. Then the doctor was over an hour late to my appointment. And the staff acted like I was an ass for wondering how much longer I would have to wait. I was in tears in the waiting room because I had already paid for this appointment and the doctor being so late meant I was going to be late to a meeting with my new boss, a boss I had not even met yet. I am happy to say this was a much better appointment. Everyone was very nice and helpful. Poor Norm had to sit outside and wait for me.  
 
The diagnosis is compression fracture in my 3rd and 4th metatarsals. I am non weight bearing for 4 to 6 weeks. I have to wear a compression sock during the day for the swelling and take aspiring twice a day to reduce and risk of a blood clot. I am on prescription Vitamin D.  My osteopenia is to blame for this. After going down a internet rabbit hole it seems like my osteopenia might be full blown osteoperosis now. The did say I could try getting around in the walking boot. (I own so many different medical supplies form previous injuries that I am like my own store.) I am not sure the boot is very helpful at reducing pain. 
 
I woke up Saturday and the swelling was down a bit, but the bruising was worse. I am not very good at sitting around and this day has been torture. Four to six weeks of this? I will never make it! What do people who aren’t training do with all those extra hours? I asked about swimming, but the doctor wasn’t so excited. She said no swimming for 7 to 10 days and if it causes pain then  I can’t do it. I ventured out to Sprouts and learned that the walking in the boot  combined with crutches is a much better option for getting around. I hate the compression sock and I don’t know how people wear these things! It was a long day of watching tv.
 
 
During all of this emotional injury turmoil, Enzo moved to LA. On Sunday, I spend some time chatting with Enzo and Norm helps him pack his car. He will be back in a few weeks to have his wisdom teeth taken out so it won’t be long before I see him again. I know this will sound weird because I have been in North Carolina and I am leaving for Wyoming, but I am sad that he won’t be living at home. Even if I leave, I always know he will be at home when I get there. I would be happy if my kids live with me forever. I know I am meant to raise them and send them out into the world but no thanks! I would like to point out that in many cultures families still live together when the kids are adults. I cry off and on all day. It’s just a lot going on. Enzo leaving and moving to Casper (which is a while disaster I will write about at some point although it would require a book). I also spend too much time on my foot trying to move furniture and organize the house. 
 
Four weeks later and it is back to the Core Institute. I will admit that I have done some weight workouts on my foot. Not more than squats for the lower body because I can keep my weight in my heel, but I am convinced they are going to tell me that my foot is still not good. I was wrong. My doctor tells me that I am good to go back to running at 30 percent of my normal mileage. We agree to 2 to 3 miles a day. I am very skeptical. When I get home I am struggling to make myself walk on my foot. I decide if I am going to run I should invest in new shoes with nice new padding. I call Runner’s Den and they put a pair of shoes on hold for me. 
 
I go to pick up my shoes and have a great conversation with the staff. It is so nice to be home. I ran into someone the other day from when I worked at the Cheder and they kept saying “I can’t believe you couldn’t find a job here.” Me either! Trust me, I tried. I am not thrilled about leaving my family to move to Casper. 
 
I try walking but it is not easy. There is some nerve pain every time I stop walking and the start again. My brain can’t seem to catch up with the fact that foot is no longer broken. I don’t try running until Saturday morning. It’s comically. It takes some weird bounding to get myself to land on my foot normally. But in a few minutes, I am running like a normal person and with no pain. My ankle does start to hurt, but that is to be expected since I have been off my foot for 4 weeks. But no pain the rest of the day so hopefully I am slowly back to training. 
 
So… a little over a week of running and I am doing well. The first few days it was tricky to get myself running in a normal way at the start of every run. But I was able to run 7 miles on Sunday. I wanted to run more, but the heat was killing me. I am back to doing weights and plyo. I used to do weights and plyo without shoes because I have some maybe not accurate theory about strengthening my foot but working out barefoot. On the tile file it was causing too much pain. The tile floor in general is now my nemesis. And my crappy flip flops. I bought a pair of Birkenstocks and the problem was fixed. 

Monday:
I knew that it was going to be a rainy day, so I planned a rest day for my foot. I did go to yoga in hopes that it would help with making my foot happy again. 
 
Tuesday:
It was such a beautiful day, and there was hardly any traffic that I just kept running. The only negative of the run was that there were so many people out enjoying the pleasant temps and the day off that it was hard to find a place to go pee. I was trying to figure out what to do when I noticed a small sign I had never seen before. Hanging on the street sign, it said, “park use 54 entrance”. But that must mean that you can access the park from this dirt road. I headed down the road. It’s the kind of dirt road that makes me fearful I will be attacked by a dog. Houses on large lots that are set back from the road. I knew what park the sign was talking about and was surprised at the short distance I had to travel on the way to be at the park. I pass it driving to work but had no idea it was this close to where I run all the time. I used the bathroom and was ready to make my way to the next park with restrooms.  I got to about mile 14 before my foot started to hurt and finished with 16 miles.
 
I made sure to ice and roll my foot in the afternoon.
 
Wednesday:
It’s warmed up today, and the streets are empty of cars and pedestrians due to Christmas. I started out on what is one of my favorite weekend routes because I know there will be little traffic. As I am about to make a turn onto my favorite stretch of road, I see two big, barking dogs in a front yard. A lot of people here have those invisible fences. I hate those things. Why does your dog need to be in the front yard alone, anyways? And I hate being terrorized by your dog with only an invisible fence separating us. The weather was pleasant, the streets were empty, and I ran 17 miles. Again, my foot didn’t bother me until about 14 miles.
 
During my run, I did a lot of thinking about my dissertation. I should be working on it, but I haven’t done any work in many weeks now. I just don’t care. I also don’t want to spend the money on it. I love being a professor, and I want to continue being a professor. Still, I have zero desire ever to do research. I would much rather work for a community college that will let me focus on teaching and not care if I am doing research. Last week I also overheard someone talking shit about online PhD programs, and it made me feel bad. I know Grand Canyon probably isn’t the most respected place in the world, but if I really want a PhD, should I move to an onsite program? I don’t know. I just know I don’t care right now.
 
I have always wanted to write books. I would much rather be spending my time on that then a dissertation that I am not sure I will ever even get the chance to defend.
 
In the evening, I made sure to ice and roll my foot. 
 
Thursday:
I met Yael at CorePower in Cary (she is the manager of this location). We went for a short 6 mile run on the greenway in Cary. She was teaching yoga to sculpt at noon, so I went to class. I had a hard time focusing on what I was meant to be doing because I was too busy people watching.  It is amazing what people will do in public. 
 
Friday:
My foot is feeling so good. I had out for my run, and it is super foggy out. The good news is that I can pee any place I want, and no one will be able to see me. The bad news is that I am worried about people not seeing me and running me down. It’s hard to find flat running in Chapel Hill, but I got a little done today. I haven’t really been doing any fast running. I really just wanted to take it easy on my foot. Today I decided to do a little fast running and see how the foot felt. My foot felt totally fine the entire run. I didn’t go to yoga today. I spent all day working on getting my class together for the winter term.
 
Saturday:
I wake up to an email saying that I am registered for Lake Sonoma 50. That means I officially have 3 chances at a Golden Ticket for Western States. I am excited and nervous. I think I can do it and also wonder why I think I can do this. 
 
And back to that whole dissertation thing. If I am spending money on chasing a dream, this is the dream I want to chase. I would rather be travelling and racing, not writing. 
 
I met up with Yael for some easy trail running. She is running the Umstead Marathon and wanted to run some of the course. We started at the Reedy Creek parking lot. This part of the trail will be closed off soon because some people who are high up have made some bad decisions. We ran on some trails that I hadn’t run before, so that was fun. We got a nice little 10-mile run done.
 
I came home to eat a little fruit and have coffee before going to a gentle yoga class.  I get there a little early to roll my foot before class. When I get home, the sun is shining and is in the 60’s. I lay on the deck in my shorts and sports bra with the dogs at my side and do some winter sunbathing. It feels so good! The workers next door have Spanish music playing loudly. It’s such happy, sunny music. With my eyes closed, I feel like I am at a beach resort. 
 
While I am enjoying the sun, I look at places to stay for Lake Sonoma. Norm told me the other day that this race is over our anniversary. I have no idea so we will assume he is right. The race is also right before Pesach, and I would be taking the first two days off work anyways so I could meet him in California. We could have a nice anniversary trip. We end up booking a cute little house in Sebastopol for 6 days. We haven’t taken a trip just the two of us since we first started dating. Right now, the bonus is that I am not nervous about Lake Sonoma. I am getting an awesome vacation with my husband and also getting to run a race I have wanted to run for a long time. And our Airbnb has a hot tub!
 
Sunday:
I am dragging. I hardly slept all night stressing about all the money I am spending to race. Should I be putting this money in a savings account and not chasing some far- fetched dream? 
 
I can’t believe how beautiful the weather is this morning! The good news is that it’s cloudy and no rain yet. It’s In the 50’s. I wear short sleeves and don’t need gloves! I run 10 miles on empty streets and finish the week with 70 miles. It’s the first time I hit my goal for the week in a long time. I came home from my run and got a weight session in. I haven’t done a very good job of being consistent. It’s maybe a little weird to start right before a race, but I am racing pretty consistently until May, so I need just to get back on track. 
 
I roll my foot out, but I don’t go to yoga. I was going to go in the morning but missed the class and didn’t want to stop working to go in the afternoon. I go back to teaching to Friday, so I really need to get all the details of my winter term class finalized. 
 
I may be stressed about spending money to race, but that doesn’t stop me from spending some time in the afternoon look at races. I am going back to the west coast to race a lot. I feel like I should be racing things that are close to where I am living now while I have the chance.

Unfortunately it was another low mileage week due my foot. I ended the week with 63 miles and no real long run. 

Monday:
Ugh! My foot! If you have ever had plantar fasciitis, then you know how when you sit for too long or sleep, you can barely walk. I also spent the night convinced I had ruptured my Achilles. The pain had been in my heel, but all night I was awake with what can only be described as white-hot searing pain in my Achilles.
 
To not be a complete idiot, I decide to take the day off, but I clearly need to go to yoga. A couple weeks ago I had a bought 30 dollars for 30 days at a yoga studio. The thing about Chapel Hill is you have to pay to park when you are near the university, which I refuse to do. I am not the only one. There is plenty of moms circling the block while their kid runs into the restaurant to pick up the food order. It’s a beautiful day. It’s sunny and warm. I park in Carrboro because you can park for 2 hours for free in the municipal lots. The yoga studio is a mile and a half from my house, but about half a mile from one of the Carrboro lots. I was surprised to discover that my yoga mat gets really heavy when I walk half a mile. My left bicep is going to be huge!
 
I spend the afternoon finishing grading and limping around my house. 
 
Tuesday:
My heel really isn’t better, but it is an amazing morning. It’s cloudy and 60 degrees out with a light drizzle. Before I could run, I needed to turn in final grades while having my coffee. I wanted to run for hours, but I am trying to be smart about my foot. I ran 6 miles, and my foot hurt pretty much the whole the time. I went to yoga, I came home and did weights and through all of that my foot hurt. I am really trying not to let this stress me out. 
 
I spend the afternoon icing my foot on a frozen water bottle, which feels amazing. I also binge-watched The Politician.  
 
Today is my favorite day on the Jewish Calendar. It’s Yud Tes Kislev. So for those of you who are wondering what that means, here is the basic story. This day is like the Rosh Hashana (new year) for Chassidism. Rabbi Zalman, after some cool shit went down, was released from a Russian prison. Yes, the Baal Shem Tov (big fan of this guy and thoughts on the mysticism of the Torah) and DovBer were already starting the movement of Chassidism, but Rabbi Zalman was a big deal because he founded what is Chabad. The point of all of this was to make the Torah part of everyday life for all the Jewish people. Typically, there is a big party at the Chabad, and the kids put on a show and sing songs. It’s just a really lovely day to spend with people you care about. That is one of the reasons it is my favorite day. Another reason is that Chabad has had a significant impact on my life. It has become important to me. And it influences not just me and my thoughts, but how I interact with the world.
There is another reason I love this day. I have all these good intentions on Rosh Hashanah that I typically mess up. Here is another new year day to get my act together. 
 
I told Ava how sad I was to not be in Phoenix today and she said we could celebrate together. Too bad we both felt terrible and went to bed early. It’s nice here, but I miss having friends and a sense of community. I thought I would make friends at work. I had this picture of what it would be like to be part of a big department at a university. I hardly ever speak to anyone in my department. I have tried. I have made an effort to connect with people. But it hasn’t worked out. In my department, it feels very lonely. I don’t want to make it sound like people are unkind. Everyone is nice, just maybe not looking to add to their list of friends. I do have a friend that I made at new faculty meetings at the start of the semester.  But she is a ceramics instructor, and we have pretty different schedules. It’s not just working. I miss having a religious community. Although I was having a bit of struggle there in Phoenix, trying to sort of the whole Chabad, Reform, Conservative thing, at least I knew I had a place I could go. One of the reasons I rented this house is because there is a temple at the end of my street. I haven’t been there one time. 
 
Wednesday:
I knew it! I knew if I just went back to yoga, my foot would get better because the problem was tight calves. My foot felt totally fine this morning. It was so cold this morning. And if I sleep in, then I have to deal with the line of cars driving too fast down my very narrow street. I am pretty sure I complained about this before, but it makes me not even want to run, and it is literally 2 tenths of a mile. Yesterday a car going excessively fast and almost hit me. It was really scary, and if they had hit me, it would not have been pretty for me. Sadly, there is no break from it because it isn’t student traffic. I am pretty sure it is all hospital employees. So, UNC tell your hospital employees to stop terrorizing my street. 
 
I went back to yoga in the morning and then went for a run after. I drove over to the Carolina Forest to run where I wouldn’t have to deal with cars. 
 
Thursday:
I tried to wait for a little warm-up and the traffic to die down. While I was waiting, I applied for a job at Mesa Community College, Yavapai College and Casper College in Wyoming. 
 
I would have run farther because I was feeling good, but my tights were rubbing in a lot of places I did not want them to be rubbing me. The most important thing is that my heel felt totally fine!
 
I was hoping that my new yoga mat would come before I went to yoga, but no luck. I really wanted to go to hot yoga and get a hard work out in. Too bad I picked the wrong class for that. Also, why are teachers here obsessed with blocks? I have never had so many teachers feel like they needed to force blocks on me. 
 
The new yoga mat did come later in the afternoon. I love it! I can’t wait to try it out in class. 
 
I took Ava to get her hair cut. Strike 2 for hair salons in Chapel Hill. Now we need to fly home to get our hair done and go to yoga.
 
Friday:
I used to be the kind of person who would rarely drive someplace to run unless I was meeting someone or running at Mt. Ord. I have embraced driving someplace to run to avoid cars. I got spoiled living on the mountain in Phoenix. I could be on the trail in a matter of steps and not have to worry about cars. I love Umstead. Last week I saw 2 red-crested woodpeckers up close!
 
I decided to take a new path at Umstead. I went out onto the greenway and loved it. I got to run past the UNC equine facility. We had horses when I was a kid, and I loved riding. I know it’s not for everyone, but I love the smell of horses.  Then I took a detour into Schenck Memorial Forest. It was amazing. I end up slowing down on the single track because with all the leaves it is hard to see the roots and rocks on the trail, but also because I am so busy looking around at the beauty of the forest. 
 
I get 15 miles done and head back home. The plan was to grocery shop and then went to yoga, but grocery shopping takes too long. The store is crowded, I am buying ingredients that I don’t usually buy so I have to find them, and I don’t always shop at this store, so I don’t know where everything is located. Why does it need to be white pepper? I don't know but I bought it. 
 
When I was young, I bought fresh flowers for my house all the time. I decided to take up that practice again because I love having them in the house. Unfortunately, I don’t have a lot of vases, so I had to use leftover glass jars and plastic containers. But I have reached this point where I have no idea where I will be working and living next year, and I don’t want to buy much more because I don’t want to have to move all of it. 
 
I didn’t make it to yoga, but I Iced my foot and did some stretching at home. I am not sure I am going to make it through a long run tomorrow. 

Since I never take pictures when I run, enjoy these pictures of flowers I bought for my house.
​

​Saturday:
The cold weather hadn’t been bothering me, but lately between the cold and the aggressive traffic at 8am, I have been having a hard time making myself get out the door in the mornings. But running later in the day is not my favorite thing. I did go to yoga in the morning and I love my new mat! 
 
I drag myself to the American Tobacco Trail and even once I am there, I am finding it difficult to get going. It’s not even that cold, but it feels cold and dreary. I decided to leave my warm-up pants on and run a couple miles to shake off the cold. I took a little detour on a neighborhood greenway. Something a little different always seems to make the miles go by a little faster. And like the day before, my foot started to hurt around mile 10. I am trying not to freak out, but it’s hard to know I have a race coming up, that I have invested about $500 in and a lot of hard work, and now it might all fall apart. Story of my life. And despite that, I am still looking at races and thinking about signing up for more races this Spring. 
 
Sunday:
I had decided that I would get up a run in the morning. I slept in a bit and got out later than I like. With winter here, all the beautiful leaves have fallen off the trees. This means that all the great places I could hide to go pee are no longer available to me.  I thought I was in a pretty private area on the trail in the city and decided to go pee. Too bad some guy popped out of nowhere with two dogs right when I was standing up. I usually just pull my shorts to the side, so there is nothing to see, but I had pants on today because it was 29 degrees when I left the house. I said sorry, but he didn’t say anything He just turned and went the other direction. Oops! 
 
In the afternoon I watched Under the Arctic Sky. It’s about the guys surfing in the winter in Iceland. It was pretty cool. You should definitely watch it. I love watching athletes from other sports do crazy shit. This is the kind of thing that motivates me. I don’t really pay attention to things that have to do with running. All that does is make me doubt everything I am doing or make me feel bummed that I am not a better runner. But I love watching documentaries about things I would never do. Alpine, big wall climbing, and I guess now cold-water surfing. 
 
I should have gone to yoga, but I didn’t. I just rolled and stretched my foot at home. It’s meant to rain all day tomorrow and be cold, so I am planning a rest day tomorrow. I can go to yoga tomorrow.
 
We light the Chanukah candles and enjoy latkes with leftover soup from a few nights ago. We have more extravagant meals planned, but we need to eat this leftover soup first. I am still adjusting to cooking for 2 people and not 7 or more. 

​Monday:
I am giving a final exam this morning. I have to admit it is more like a gathering of friends than a final exam. I had my students do projects, and they are explaining their projects to me. One of my students showed up with a gift for me! A really nice Starbucks travel mug and gift card. I really loved this class, and I am so sad that our time together is over. I will have some of my students again in winter term, and another student and I agreed to stay in touch. 
 
Everything was going well, and then when one of my students was explaining his project, my eye started hurting. I could barely focus. It wasn’t until I finished with all my students until I realized that a blood vessel in my eye had burst and my eye was full of blood. This usually happens when I am really stressed and asleep. I didn’t know the pain meant this was happening. 
 
I get back to my office and my good day goes to shit. Enzo calls me to say that someone broke into the house. The shed was open, the back door was open, and the water tap in the back yard was on full blast. The noise of the water was what got the attention of Isaiah (Enzo’s friend who is living at the house). It seems the only thing missing is our little dog, Snoopy. 
 
I spend a lot of my morning talking with Enzo and Norm and making missing dog fliers. I get some grading done. I figure out an impossible task on Moodle. Of all the platforms I have used in education, Moodle is my least favorite!
 
 
Tuesday:
Today is Norm’s last day. I get a run in and then we spend the day hanging out before I have to take him to the airport. 
 
Wednesday:
A friend and I had planned to meet, but I woke up to a text saying she might be a maybe. I decided to get some miles in before I had to be back to hear if she was going to be able to run. She wasn’t able, but I had plenty to do to get ready for the end of the semester. 
 
Thursday:
I took my bag with me so I could run if I wanted or go to yoga. My students presented projects instead of taking a final. I spent 3 hours listening to presentations. I spent the afternoon grading papers. It turns out the university and community college have one thing in common. That is students who do nothing all semester and then want to turn everything in the last week. In the end, I didn’t go to yoga or go running.  I came home and spent some time just sitting. The semester is over. I still have a lot of work to do getting ready for the winter term. But I needed to take some time just to sit.  
 
Friday:
I wake up at 5am and debated getting up to run before the rain starts but going back to sleep is the winner. I wake up a little before 7am and hope I finish my coffee and do my bathroom business before the rain starts. Unfortunately, I ran out of time. I left thinking that I might not get many miles done, but anything was better than nothing. My feet were pretty cold initially. Is there such a thing as waterproof socks? But my Run Rabbit Jacket was terrific. I ended up running 14 miles and would have run more, but my hands were getting really cold. My jacket kept me perfectly dry, now I need warmer and waterproof gloves. 
 
How is it that I can run 14 miles in 30-degree temps with steady rain and be fine, but I come home and put on sweats and a hoody and can’t get warm enough. I had all these plans for weights and yoga, but my allergies are so bad that I had to take allergy meds. That leaves me laying on the couch mindlessly watching tv and half asleep. That eventually turns into actually sleeping in my bed. 
 
Saturday:
I decided to sleep in a bit. I head to the American Tobacco Trail to avoid having to deal with traffic. This trail is so amazing. I ended up taking a side trip on the Cary Greenway. Cary boasts over 80 miles of greenway. It was nice. There was quite a bit of running on wood bridges, which is fine as long as they aren’t wet or frozen over.  I was happy to get 20 miles done.
 
Sunday:
The plan was to run 33 miles. That was the plan. I went to Umstead Park. There is an out and back route that is 11 miles. I run everything as a depletion run, even my long runs, but I knew I would need food and water today. The allergy meds have left me really dehydrated. After running 20 miles the day before I wasn’t sure that I could get through 33 miles without some food.  It was about 30 degrees, but the sky was clear, and I knew it would warm up quickly. I had on 2 shirts to deal with the temps. I decided to take a different route and really loved it. Unfortunately, my heel was bothering me from the get-go, and it never got better. I was worried about running on it with it being so painful. I called it a day at 14 miles. At home, I worked on stretching my calf and took a nap. 
 
I got up and went to a hot yoga class. I clearly have to be better about stretching my calf. I miss hot yoga. I like the sweating. The class was okay, but here is my rant about yoga teachers. If you are going to make a speech at the beginning of the class about how it is my class and I should do what I need for my body then don’t lose your mind at the end when someone doesn’t use the blocks. Let me walk you through this. Everyone but me had blocks. I didn’t grab them because I don’t need them. The teacher makes her speech, and then class starts. In the middle of class, she brings me blocks. Class is coming to an end, and the teacher makes this big speech about how people don’t like to ask for help, and you should think of the blocks as help and not be afraid to use them. This speech went on and on. I couldn’t help but feel like it was directed at me since I was the only one not using blocks. It’s not an ego issue. I have used the blocks. And I will use them when necessary. It just wasn’t necessary for me today. So that kinda ruined class for me. 
 
So mileage wise this week wasn’t what I wanted. It isn’t as bad as it looks on my Strava. I decided to switch from movescount to the Suunto app, and I could never get it to work all week. I ended up being at around 60 miles.

My foot is a disaster. I am pretty sure I can turn it around, but what if I can't? My running has been great. I sign up for races and buy plane tickets and my body revolts. 

Monday:
It was a chilly morning. I really need to get warmer gloves. My legs were feeling like lead from adding weights and yoga to my routine. I take it easy and wait for the feeling of not wanting to run to subside. I have learned that a lot of times the first few miles feel like torture, but once I warm up and get a few miles done, I am usually happy to keep running.  But today I couldn’t shake the not interested feeling. I got to 8 miles and called it a day. 
 
In another type of endurance event Norm and I spent the afternoon trying to finish Chanukah shopping. Since only Ava and I will be together for Chanukah, we are celebrating as a family a bit early.  But that meant we needed to buy gifts. Norm was a trooper. He did need a vanilla ice cream cone to keep his strength up. 
 
I went to a new yoga class in the evening. It’s called Yoga for Athletic Balance. Sage Rountree teaches it, and I was really excited to take a class taught by her. I didn’t leave enough time for traffic. The studio is a mile from my house. I didn’t expect traffic to be an issue. I got to class will a couple of minutes to spare. Sage was lovely and chatted with me like we were old friends.  The class was not exactly what I expected, but it was good. 
 
Tuesday:
Tuesday is a very long day for me. Before the time change, I would sometimes run early in the morning. Even in the dark, I can run on the UNC campus and feel very safe. It is well lit, and there are always people about. But now it is dark and bitterly cold at 5 am, and so I have been squeezing all my miles into five days a week.  It was difficult for me to take a rest day. I start to get antsy. But I also knew that my body needed it. 
 
My insomnia is back with a vengeance. I am not underpaid at this point, but we are trying to keep two houses going, and that gets expensive. We also moved into an empty house and coming from Phoenix are woefully underprepared for the weather in North Carolina. Add in all the money I just spent on races and plane tickets and guess who isn’t sleeping? Me, it’s me that isn’t sleeping. 
 
I go to work and struggle to keep my eyes open. When I get home, I really want a nap, but I am worried this will keep me from sleeping at night. 
 
Wednesday:
I head out on what I tell Norm will be a 12-mile run that ends up being a 16-mile run. The temps aren’t too bad. Especially as the sun starts to warm me up. I try to take it easy because I am racing this weekend. It’s not an A race, but I want to do well. 
 
I felt fine during my run but develop a terrible headache after coming home. I let my students know I will be having remote office hours and work from my couch in my sweatpants. 
Thursday:
I was wide awake at 4 am so I could have run some miles, but it was 27 degrees out. Cold seems worse in the dark. My headache is gone, but now my stomach is killing me. I manage to get out the door and to work. I get some work done but decided to call it a day early because of my stomach. I had thought I would get some miles done in the afternoon, but I didn’t.
 
 
Friday:
I ran a nice easy 12-mile run. We have lunch at Whole Foods and do some grocery shopping. I go to yoga in the evening. 
 
The yoga classes I have been going to in Chapel Hill couldn’t be any farther away from the classes I loved in Phoenix. At the Madison, the classes were hard and felt like a workout, but they were also good for my mental state. Here I have been going to classes that are more relaxing and focused on flexibility and counteracting all the damage we do in daily in life. It’s okay, and it seems to be working to keep my heel happy, but I miss my yoga classes at the Madison. I miss the feeling of working hard, but I also miss the music and the people I have become friends with and the whole atmosphere. And I miss the mental benefits. At this point, I might as well just stretch at home.
 
I am early to yoga today. I am 15 minutes early. I go into the class and take my phone with me because there is no clock in the room and I need to know when I need to go pee before class starts as I had a large coffee recently. The teacher notices I take my phone in, probably because I am the only person there and tells me that she doesn’t allow phones in the room. I explain why I brought mine in and we both laugh, and I put my phone in my shoe, take a pee and hope for the best.
 
This is what I hate most about all the yoga studios I have been to in North Carolina so far. They all take yoga way too seriously. I am not there as some sort of religious practice. I am there to do something I enjoy, that brings me pleasure and is good for me. Don’t tell me I can’t talk to the other people in the room before class and don’t tell me I can’t bring my phone in. It isn’t like I am busting it out during class, but if you demand that people arrive so freaking early to get a spot and find parking then if I want to read emails, play games or catch up on Instagram with my time before class, that is my business, not yours. Maybe Patty thinks it’s nice to meditate before class, and maybe Bob likes to do some extra stretching, but sometimes I have had a busy day and catching up on something that is on my phone is what I find relaxing before class. Okay, rant over.
 
And FYI, I didn’t really enjoy her class. Bossiness is a definite personality trait. She kept giving us these complicated instructions and then scolding people for not getting a bird’s eye view. I spent a fourth of the class just watching her demonstrate how to roll up blankets.
 
After class Norm and I go to a running store by my house. It’s okay, but I miss my local shop. I know they mean well but… Anyways I decided not by any Skratch because they only have some flavor I have never used and it is passionfruit, so I am not anxious to try it. I ask about Saucony gloves because they make a pair I really want, but I keep not ordering so I am currently wearing double gloves when I run to keep my hands warm. The lady tells me they didn’t make them this year. I tell her that they have them online I have just been lazy about ordering but thanks. As I am walking away, she is still telling me some story about how she thinks they didn’t make them for stores this year or something. I don’t know. Just say you don’t have them — end of story. I need to figure out where the locally owned running store is located. 
 
 
Saturday:
I have all these terrible nightmares about things going wrong at my race. This usually happens when I haven’t raced in a while. I am trying to not be stressed out, but it’s not working. I am running a half marathon to see where I am fitness-wise. I am feeling good and thinking I might run a PR. The race is a 10-minute drive from the house. We get there an hour early, and no one is there. The crowd does get bigger, but it always feels small and manageable. 
 
I did a warm-up on the course and was a little sad to realize that the last mile was going to be some tough climbing for a road race. (It felt like Everest during the race.)
 
The race starts, and it’s a bit of a tight start with some tight turns on top of each other, but then we are on the Tobacco Trail, and we can spread out. There is a lady who appears to be older than me, and she is all over me.  She sticks with me for a bit. A few times she pulls ahead of me, and when I try to pass, she tries to block me This shit pisses me off. This isn’t high school cross country. We are two old ladies running a tiny half marathon. Get a grip. I had to go off the path and into the grass at one point. After a few miles, she dropped off, and I never saw her again. A few miles later another lady pulls up next me and then proceeds to run right next to me and so fucking close. I was really tempted to tell her that if she were going to stay next to me, it would make more sense to run behind me. She didn’t stay with me for long and I was back to running on my own. I was pretty solidly in second place for much of the race. Then with maybe a mile and a half to go, I get passed, but a young lady that I am guessing is in high school. I had nothing to give to chase her done. I tried, but it wasn’t there. I did close the gap, but she finished seconds in front of me. 
 
I have raced on the Tobacco Trail before, and the tree cover totally screws with my watch. It makes it difficult to know what pace I am running. But when I would get a break in tree cover and look at my watch, it would say I was running 6:15min/mile or faster. I was feeling good and thinking I was going to have a great day. At the halfway point, I checked my time and was dumbfounded. There was no way I was running as fast as I thought. I realize that I am going to finish around an hour and twenty-six minutes but probably slower because there is going to be some climbing on the way back. 
 
I finished in 1:27:41. Seriously unhappy about that. I even spent part of the day trying to find another half marathon in the next week or so because I am so not happy with my results. And I am left with a lot of confusion. I thought I was running fast, but I wasn’t, so could I have run faster? I thought I was running a 6:15 pace and felt fine. If I had known I was running slower, could I have pushed the pace more? As the day wore on. I was just more and more depressed. 
 
I also regretted my decision not to buy passion fruit Skratch. If I don’t drink a packet of Skratch after a race, I have a headache that won’t go away and an upset stomach. Finally, at 5 pm when we went back to the running store, and I bought the passionfruit. I drink it down and instantly feel better. And the passion fruit wasn’t too bad. Kind reminded me of tea.
 

​Sunday:
I had zero motivation to get out the door today. And it was 28 degrees out when I did leave. The first 4 miles weren’t too bad. I had slept in somewhat late for me so there was more traffic than I would like. Around mile 8, my stomach had started to hurt. I kept running because I wanted to get to 16 miles. I decided to run in the Carolina Forest, one of my favorite places, but that didn’t help. My stomach was not great. I did get 16 miles, but it wasn’t pretty. 
 
I go to yoga in the afternoon because my foot is less than happy today. I shouldn’t have skipped it yesterday. There was an excessive amount of meditating in this class. We started with 2 minutes of meditating. Okay, that’s fine. We did breathe work. Fine, but not going to take care of my tight calves. Finally, we get to class but wrapped things up with 10 minutes of savasana. He said he likes a long savasana and we would be doing 10 minutes I almost had a panic attack. I can’t sit still in silence for that long. I have a lot of guilt, stress and more guilt. I don’t need 10 minutes alone with my head. Then he followed that with more meditating and breathe work.  Is it unreasonable to fly home just to go to a yo

It’s been so long since I have written that I am not sure where to start. So quick update. I moved to Chapel Hill in August to take a one-year teaching position at Elon University.  Norm is still in Phoenix because we are not sure what will happen at the end of the school year. I have let my boss know that I would be happy to stay at Elon but I have also applied for about 10 jobs around the country, including one in Phoenix. So if anyone is a position to put in a good word at Estrella Community College, I would love to come to back to teaching for Maricopa Community Colleges. 
 
It has been a bit busy. I am teaching a class I have not taught before. I have been trying to plan for the class, work on my dissertation, furnish an empty house and run. It has been a lot to manage, but with only me and Ava here it has been manageable. My youngest joined us in October after I was settled in a permanent house. 
 
Running was a bit rocky at the start. I had the time but trying to learn new routes was a bit tricky. We were living in Airbnb’s until we could find a permanent house. Running in Chapel Hill was great, but we moved to Durham for a bit and the running there was not as great. There is some great running in Durham, but the area we were in wasn’t the best. Once we were settled back in Chapel Hill, I was able to focus on my running more. The running in Chapel Hill is amazing. I always feel so safe. There are always so many other runners out on the streets. There are some trails in town. They are beautiful to run on, but I get more climbing on the roads. It is really hilly here. 
 
I have had about 3 months of just running. No plan, just leaving the house and running, I got a lot of long runs in because I was just enjoying checking things out and sometimes because I got lost. Everything has been a depletion run because I never have a plan for how long I will be out. I hadn’t really made any speed work plans but sometimes I just feel like running fast and so I do. So here I am at the end of November and I feel really fit. With one slight problem. I haven’t been going to yoga and my calves are tight causing heal pain in my left foot. I knew I just needed to go to yoga, but I haven’t found a place I like, and I hate trying new yoga places. I miss the Madison so much. For me, I go to yoga to get a workout and have fun. I am not a fan of places that take themselves so seriously. So many places here have so many rules. And I like class with current, fun music. I am not looking to chant. But I had to find a yoga place. I had endured the pain, but it got to the point where I could barely walk after sitting for too long. I stretch one day and go to yoga the next day and I am already 75% better. 
 
The foot pain won’t be a problem, which is good because I signed up for a few races. I signed up for Umstead 100. I figured I live here, and I can train on the course. But then I started thinking about last year and how hard I trained to try to get a golden ticket to Western States. I signed up for Bandera 100K. My mom and I are going to meet up in Houston and drive to Borne, Texas. When I told my mom I was going to Texas for a race I think I forgot to tell her it was a 100K race because she seemed a little surprised when I said I would around 9 hours to finish. I also signed up for Black Canyon 100K. I know the course and after some failure there, I know what I need to do. Two chances is better than one and I get to come home for a few days. But what is better than two chances? Three chances.  So I got up this morning and  put my name in the lottery for Lake Sonoma 50 mile and fingers crossed I will get my name drawn. 
 
With Bandera 6 weeks away, I need to get serious about training. Not the running part, it would be a little late to get serious about that. I need to clean up my diet a bit. Less wine for sure. I also need to stay serious about the yoga. Not just because of my tight calves, but because it is also where I keep my head straight. I went to yoga this morning and my foot is feeling great. 
 
I ended the week with 70 miles and 7600 feet of climbing. 
 

​Monday:
Ok, we have a problem. Symptom number 1 – I have no energy I could not get myself out of bed at 4am or a 5am. I finally got up at 6am. I considered not running because of symptom #2 – I am so dehydrated. Yesterday was not a great experience in running and if I am this dehydrated., maybe I need to rest. But I decided to run anyways. I should have known the universe was giving me a sign when my watch was dead despite being on the charger all night. So I head out and tell myself to run really slow and easy. It just never felt great. Around mile 5 I was sorry I ever left the house. I kept feeling really sick to my stomach (symptom #3). Then I would start stressing about having a full-on heat stroke. I had to talk myself off the ledge several times. Symptom number 4 happened after I got home and changed. I had the chills really bad. I am wearing a thick sweatshirt, and I can't stop feeling chilled. Symptom #5, exhaustion, came quickly after. Three and a half hours after I woke up, I took a blackout, drooling on your pillow nap for 2 hours. I woke up feeling sick to my stomach. 
 
I also woke up to an email about an interview for a full-time professor job in North Carolina. I have a phone interview on Wednesday. 
 
I drug myself to Safeway for a few things and a lot of Gatorade. I was exhausted all day. I barely mustered up the energy to take a shower. I really wanted to nap again. I had two Gatorades, more than I have had in my life probably. I didn't even have wine tonight so you know I am really sick.
 
Tuesday:
It is a lovely cloudy day with some sprinkles, but this also means not great for running if you have had a heat episode because the humidity makes it difficult to cool down. I managed a 10-mile run but felt iffy. I also saw my first rattlesnake. A guy warned me and some hikers that there was a rattlesnake ahead, but I wasn't really sure where he was telling me the snake was. I ran past the hikers, and then I hear them call out, "did you see the snake?" but what they actually said was, "do you see the snake." I stopped and turned to face them, and they repeat "do you see the snake" and point. There it was in front of me, stretched out and moving across the trail. This doesn't concern me too much. If he isn't coiled I terribly concerned about getting around him.
 
I finish the run and immediately start drinking Gatorade. I have a job interview, so I get myself cleaned up and head off. I think t went well. When the interviewer found out, I am an ultra runner, she wanted to take a detour to talk about Aravaipa and ultra running. Which I was happy to do!
 
I had time to come home for a quick bite and then had to head to talk to someone about another job I am considering. That also went well. 
 
I managed to stay awake all day. And I seem to feel a bit better than I did yesterday. I spend most of the afternoon running the numbers to try to figure out which job to take. (I still have another interview tomorrow). A week ago, I was stressed about not having enough work, and now I am stressed about making the right decision.
 
Wednesday:
I feel better when I wake up and even when I leave for my run. I head out for a 12-mile run knowing that I need to be back by 9am for a phone interview for an assistant professor job in North Carolina. It's a bit cooler out today, and I feel a lot better, so I push the pace a bit. Not super fast, but not 9-minute miles of the last few days. I hit about 5.5 miles when something in my head tells me that I have made a mistake and my interview is at 8am. I can't be sure, but I don't want to be wrong. I have to figure out a way to shorten the mileage, and I have to run truly fast. I made it home with 2 minutes to spare. The interviewer called me at 8am on the dot. 
 
Good thing it wasn't a skype interview because I was a sweaty mess and wearing a towel. I go into the laundry room, thinking it will be the best place t get away from any dog barking that might happen. I was wrong. Hank starts going crazy, and I have to move into the bathroom. Of course, one of the kids comes in and starts moving things around. That part of the interview was probably not that smooth because I kept getting distracted.
 
If I am offered this job, I have to be in North Carolina in 2 weeks. So I am trying to weigh my options because I will have to make a quick decision. More running of numbers. 
 
After weeks of being stressed about not having enough work, I have my second job offer of the week. 
 
Thursday:
I got up at 3:45am to run with Hayley. We ran from here house to join the Wild Women Running group at Papago. I ran at Papago once a million years ago. Great place to run if you want gently rolling and smooth for your running. I might need to get back over there soon. We run back to Hayley's house. She goes to get towels, and I check my emails. The job in NC emails to ask if they can check my references. I am going to assume this is a good sign.
 
After some time in the pool, I head home and get some work done while before heading to lunch with friend Haddie. Haddie is probably half my age, but we have become good friends, and I am so glad to have her as a friend. A run to Traders Joe's and I am home to take a nap. I have 3 of the 4 dogs managing to sleep next to some part of me.
 
 
Friday:
I came back from my run to see an email offering me the job in North Carolina. I accepted! I will be a Professor of Cognitive Psychology at Elon University. It's a one- year only position. It was a crazy day of back and forth emails. Unfortunately, no one in my house seems very excited for me. So instead of everyone being happy for me and celebrating that after 6 years I finally have a job as a FT professor it is more of a "this is the worst thing that could happen" response.
 
Saturday:
I wake up having decided that I am going to email the University and tell them it isn't going to work out after all. I see a couple emails from the department head, but I am out the door to pick up John and go for a run at Sycamore Creek. This is the first time I have ever seen the place crawling with people. And they happen to be people there for hunting. We decide not to take a route that might get us accidentally shot and stay on the main road. The road dead-ends at Mt. Peeley Trailhead. We look at the map and walk on the trail a bit. When we see a sign that clearly tells you the trails and the mileage we walk back and take a picture of the map. We see a way to loop back around and head out. This is my favorite thing! I love finding new to me trails! The trail was amazing! Easy to follow and super well marked. When the river has water, you will get really wet feet as we crossed over the dry river bed several times. We found an old truck and wondered about its story.  We pop out onto the fire road again and talk to some people in FJ Cruisers. They were very nice. Made the obligatory jokes about running that far for fun and offered us water. 
 
The loop was 18 miles, and we needed 4 more, so we added on some miles. I am so sad that I did not find this sooner! We stop at the gas station for my favorite post-long run treat, a DR. Pepper and Salsa Verde Doritos.
 
I come home and sit Norm down to talk about the job. I tell him that it feels like no one is happy, and it bums me out. Originally we had planned that I would go out with Ava and Norm would stay here for the 9 months and just visit.  But we decided that in a month or so he will move out with our youngest. 
 
I go back to looking for a place to live. Brandi and Enzo ask us to play a game and feel and that I am half paying attention and sending lots of text messages, but I am trying to figure out where I am going to live. The night quiets down, and I start reading the emails from my department chair. Surprise! I have to be on campus on August 19th! Basically, I have to leave on Monday or Tuesday. 

Sunday:
It was actually a really lovely morning. I run one of my favorite weekend morning street routes. We are scurrying to come up with the money for this move. With me not working the last few weeks, we are really tight. We start listing furniture for sale. And I start washing and packing. I decide it's best to leave on Monday, even though it is my youngest kids birthday. 
 
My yoga teacher has me as her guest so I can go to one last yoga class. I cry a little at the end of class. I am excited about the new job but also scared to death. And while I don't love Phoenix, I love my friends and have favorite places. It's comfortable. I feel a little sad. This isn't like being in Colorado, where I can just jump home in eight hours. I probably won't be back in Phoenix until next summer.