I haven't been writing because I have still been feeling pretty depressed. I have good days and bad days. Good weeks and bad weeks. I am just not happy with my life. I tried to make changes to make me happy and it ended in disaster. I'm not really sure what to do. On top of that, being injured has left me feeling unhappy. It's June and here is where I am at half way into the year. 
 
I missed Black Canyon because I was so sick. I missed Lake Sonoma because I have high hamstring tendonitis. I was fortunate to catch it before it was too bad and I could keep running, but it had to be slow and zero climbing. No yoga, no lower body weights and definitely no plyo. 
 
So, my plans for the year have to shit. The FKT’s I had planned probably aren’t going to happen. I was hoping to focus on Missoula Marathon at the end of June. I wanted to plan on another marathon in the fall to attempt to run an Olympic Trials qualifying time. But since I have had to drop speed work from my running I’m not sure how that is going to work. 
 
After the list of qualifying times for Desert Solstice came out I was worried about the race filling up so I decided to make a go at a qualifying time at Hotfoot Hamster. I decided that it was better to run over night. The temps will be much better. Hot, but better. May in the dessert is like the middle of the summer everywhere else. 
 
I was a little nervous about the race. I wasn’t sure how my hamstring would hold up to 50 miles. I hadn’t run over 15 miles in a really long time.  Some weeks I felt great, but recently I had a really rough week and the hamstring was unhappy. I was back to running every other day and running slow. I went into Hotfoot Hamster thinking that the race would destroy my hamstring and I would be on rest with no running for an undetermined amount of time. But Charlie and I had discussed it and a qualifier for Desert Solstice was really important to me. 
 
Hotfoot Hamster is run at Nardini Manor. It’s a 500 meter course.  Some parts are wider than others. The course has been improved by the new owner and the path is super smooth. It’s a tough place to try to run a competitive pace because how tight the course can be in places, but also a fun place to run. I really enjoy running here.
 
Things didn't start off well. Despite being charged earlier in the day, my ipod was dead. So I am trying to run fast and tell Norm how to charge my ipod. To get his attention I had to scream across the whole place, which then had other people yelling at him to get his attention. Thank you to those people! Norm has lost hearing in one ear and doesn't hear well. Later he decided to stand next to the speaker playing music. The music out of the speaker was so loud that I couldn't hear my headphones when I ran past. I finally had to tell him to move because he couldn't hear me. I waited too long to get food and started to feel myself fading. I think because it was so hot food just sounded terrible. When I finally stopped for some PB&J it was hard on the outside and I turn to throw to Norm, but he didn't hear me say “this is hard, I can't get this down” so he is caught off guard and I hit him right in the nose with the sandwich. 
 
At 30 miles I ask Norm how fast I need to run to qualify and he tells me 8:40 pace for the rest of the race. I managed to keep the pace under 8 minutes and when I start to feel terrible at mile 37 I feel okay about it because I know I can really slow down and still run a qualifier. When I ask Norm what pace I need to run he tells me 8:20 pace. “Are you kidding me?” I yell at him. When I come back around I stop and tell him that he previously told me 8:40 pace, how could it be 8:20 pace now? He says he will do the math again. While he is doing that I am not getting any water and I am getting really frustrated. Finally he tells me that I do need to run 8:20 pace. He starts following me and trying to encourage me. He tells me to just run 8:20 pace for two more hours. That just breaks me mentally. I finally tell him to stop talking to me, which pisses him off. I hear him say the F word as he stops running behind me. 
 
It’s really hot and I have been working really hard. I know I didn't manage my nutrition well and I am feeling a bit tired. I also know that things might improve, I know that I should keep going. I don't necessarily feel welcomed by everyone on the course. I just break. I cry for the rest of the lap and when I make it back to Norm I say I can't do it, let’s just go home. I also say,  “you ruined this for me. Why were just clapping every time I came around and not telling me I was off pace.” We didn't really speak to each other again until Monday afternoon.
 
If you were at the race and you ever felt like I was annoying to you, I am really sorry. I tried to apologize any time I felt like I caused a problem. I know it only means something to me, but this was probably my only chance to run a qualifier for Desert Solstice. All the moving to Colorado and back and being under employed has left us in a big hole financially. But after all that stress, my hamstring feels better than it did before the race.  
 
It wasn’t until Tuesday that my data from my watch uploaded and we were able to see that I only needed to run about a 9min/mile pace to get my DS qualifier. So I should have kept running. Insert big sigh here.
 
So I have been doing a lot of long slow running with very little fast running and what has been fast hasn't really been fast. Charlie wants me to run a few miles a few times a week. I have been running about 70 miles a week. I don't really have the money for plane tickets to Missoula for the marathon, but I really want to go. I decided today to give some actual speed a try. I was happy with how it went. I ran a 3 mile warm up with 3 miles fast, 1 mile off, 2 miles, fast. 1 mile off, 1 mile fast. The plan originally was to string all those miles together, but I got a late start because I had insomnia again last night. It was already 76 degrees when I left here. I was able to hold 6:40 pace so I am pretty happy about that. 
 
After the workout today I decided Missoula is a go. I only have to come up with the money for airfare because the race is covering everything else. I might be buying tickets at the last minute, but oh well. I am working this summer at the Desert Botanical Garden as a summer camp instructor so we aren't going to be totally destitute. But if you have any airline miles you don't know what to do with, I am happy to help you out with that.  
 
As I was typing this blog I got an email from the San Francisco Marathon letting me know that they are giving me elite entry to the marathon. So maybe we can get this OTQ mission back on track. I wish that my hamstring was healing a bit faster than it is, but I am happy to have a reason to be back to training. 

​Monday:
My flight was delayed and didn't leave until after midnight. I fell asleep on the plane a few times, but never stayed asleep so by the time I got home I had been awake for 24 hours. I decided to cancel my 8 am class but Canvas wasn’t working so I had to set an alarm for 5 am to wake up and try to send an email again.  Luckily that worked. I thought I would sleep in until 9 am, but by 7 am I was wide awake. I got up and unpacked my bag. Did some prep work for my class that starts today. No running, so yoga. I never felt like I was totally awake. 
 
I spend my evening trying to pick a place to stay for Lake Sonoma. I finally make a decision and send my Airbnb request.
 
Tuesday:
Norm started my run with me today.
 
I haven't heard back from my Airbnb request but I get an email saying I am invited to book a place that I had been looking at the same time. I decided to cancel the request I sent and book the other place. The house I cancel is closer to the start but I am getting nervous. In the end, we are in a very cute, quirky place with lots of great tree views and only 25 minutes away from the start.
 
 
Wednesday:
Norm and I head out for a run but we don't get far before Norm is stopped in is tracks by a pain in his calf/Achilles. We had made it about a mile and a half and now have to turn around to walk back home.
 
I teach at the college and in between classes I go to iRun to buy a new handheld water bottle.  Hank has chewed all my water bottles so I need a new one now that it is hot out and I don't necessarily want to be wearing my pack. I am shocked to see how much hand held bottles cost. $55 is a little insane if you ask me. 
 
After teaching I go head out for a run. I was minutes from being off the trail and was thinking how happy I was that I hadn't seen a snake when I see a guy standing in the middle of the trail. I look over his shoulder and sees me and then puts his arm out. The international sign for “there is a snake, stop moving” So I did. I ask, “snake?” and he says yes. I walk up and we chat. He tells me I can probably pass as the snake is slithering off, he just likes watching them. I tell him I don't mind waiting. I say that I think the snakes should still be moving slow. He agrees This one seemed to be moving pretty slow. 
 
I make it back home for coffee and a snack and then head to yoga. 

​Thursday:
Up at 5 am and out the door before 6 am. I started on the canal because it's a bit dark out still. I make a turn to spend some time on the trail so that I can get some climbing in. If I want to have a decent day at Lake Sonoma I need to start getting a lot more climbing done. 
 
Taught my class at the college. They are a great class and we have so much fun together. After class Brandi, Ava and I headed to Target. No elementary school this afternoon so I can spend some time just walking around and looking at things. This makes me very happy! 
 
By the time we get home, I am exhausted. That 5 am wake up every day is catching up with me. I decided to indulge in a nap, but I am going to have to get some work done this evening after yoga.
 
I was really in no mood for yoga, but I made myself go. I get there and another regular tells me that she was in no mood but made herself come to class. Glad I am not the only one.

Friday:
I have decided to shift my long run to Friday. I am up at 5 am and have coffee and a small granola bar. Norm wakes up and starts watching HGTV and I get sucked into the end of the show where they show all the changes they made. I leave about 5:50 am. I am about 11 miles into my run when I realize that I forgot to bring food with me.  I make it to 15 miles and move my long run to Saturday. I am starving by the time I get home. I had landed on a rack the wrong way and have a bruise on the bottom of my foot. My pack rubbed my collar bone (which it never does) and I had to use my buff to stop the chaffing so I could finish the run. All in all, not the day I had planned on the trail. 
 
I only have a small amount of time left at the kindergarten but that drive Chandler is about to do me in! I did listen to a really interesting podcast. Barbara Brown Taylor was on Fresh Air a few weeks ago but I just got around to listening to it. You should listen to it. She said one thing that really resonated with me when I think about converting. To paraphrase, she said the why to her own religious choice (Christian) it’s because it is what she knows. That changing religion would be like going back to 1st grade. This is so much how I feel. It’s daunting to convert. It’s overwhelming how much I don't know. 
 
​Saturday:
Norm is working today but the dogs all seem happy so I am able to get out the door by 6 am. I love running early on weekend mornings. It's so quiet out. I get 17 miles done. I did hills first (goal to stay under 9 min. miles) and then a couple of fast miles on the canal. This is one of my favorite workouts. I only did 2 fast miles because My legs are feeling a bit dead this week. Probably a combination of the marathon last week and all the climbing I have done this week.  
 
I was on my way to dreamy draw when a guy stopped me to ask if I was missing a dog. I said no and he tells me he thought he saw 2 dogs fighting but when he got closer he saw it was a coyote attacking a dog. He chased the coyote off. The coyote went up and over the mountain and the dog went around on the trail. The man ran after them and again found the coyote attacking the dog. He chased the coyote off again but the dog wouldn't come to him and ran towards the 51. At this part of the trail there is a fence so the dog will end up on Northern if he keeps going that way.  
 
I was a half a mile from being done when some lady who had plenty of time to see me but still ran through her stop sign pissed me off. After seeing me, coming through her stop sign she then proceeded to quick stop in the crosswalk so I had to stop short. I yelled at her that if she was going to run her stop sign to stay out of the crosswalk and this bitch yells at me, “Fuck you.” So I yell back, “fuck you! I have the right away you stupid bitch!” Sorry, Mark, I was wearing an iRun hat. I am just really tired of people who are in the wrong and then curse at me. A tenth of a mile later we end up stopped at the same red light and they roll up the window.  Good call because I was pissed.  
 
I took the kids to Flower Child for lunch. In the past it was 3 items made a plate and now it is 2 items for $9. That is insanely ridiculous. After we left I said that I wasn’t eating there anymore because that was stupid expensive.  My exact words were, “I am breaking up with Flower Child.” Ava said, “Don't do it! Stay together for the children!” She’s a funny girl. She really loves their gluten-free Pho.
 
Did some grocery shopping, took a nap, had coffee and snack and started to get caught up on Survivor with Norm. It was tough to peel myself away for a 2nd run, but I did it. Just an easy 5 mile run to get used to 2 a days again. I came back, we ate dinner and finished getting caught up on Survivor. It’s my dream to create a Psych class that is a Survivor class. I have done Survivor days where they have to play games to win clues to answer questions and the winners get a basket of snacks to divvy up. It’s so much fun. College students are very motivated by food. Of course, none of them watch Survivor and probably think I am lame for still watching it, but they like playing games and winning things.
 

Sunday:
Norm had to work again, but luckily the dogs seemed content this morning so Iwas off at 5:45 am. It was still a bit dark so stayed off the trails. Just ran what I call baby hills through the neighborhoods to get some “easy” climbing. I was really trying to run easy, but my pace was constantly faster than it should have been. I felt relaxed and easy so well call it an easy run even though it wasn’t technically.
 
Had some coffee, played ball with Pasta and headed to yoga. There is a guy I see every Sunday morning at the same corner. I have given him food before. I am sure he was thrilled to get my raisins, almonds, and peanuts I keep in my bag, but I never have any cash. Two weeks ago we chatted while the light was red. I only had a few dollars. We talked about where he was staying and taking care of himself. After I pulled away today I decided that next week I am going to leave early so I can chat with him. Something about him makes me want to help him. There are so many homeless here and it breaks my heart. It doesn't matter what you did or didn't do, shelter is a basic need. I can't give money to everyone though. My mom told me that her pastor once said that he gives when he feels called and that resonated with me. It is typically young people that pull at my heartstrings.  I try to buy food and I always ask what they want.  There is just something about this guy. We had such a “normal” conversation. If I can help, I want to do what I can for him. 
 
Yoga was so hard and so hot. After lunch and some reading of my New York Times, I took a nap. I got up and did laundry. If the washer and dryer are free around here, you better take advantage.  
 
I was starving at dinner and ate way too much. But I’ll be starving again in an hour. But I also feel like I might be asleep in an hour. Norm was exhausted from being at work early and I was exhausted from who knows what. So we went to bed early. 

​Monday:
Spring break! Well, it is at the college. I still have to go to the kindergarten this afternoon. I thought I would sleep in, but that didn't happen. But that is probably better because of the 3 hour time difference between here and North Carolina. 
 
I had my coffee and headed off on a run. Just a really nice easy day. Someone needs to do something about the porta potties at Granada. They are so disgusting! Who shits all over a toilet seat and just leaves it? 
 
No one was available to pick up Ava from a friends house so I had to skip yoga.  Not thrilled about this. We stopped at Target to get the stuff to make enchiladas but it was the kind of Target with a small grocery area so didn't have what we needed. We settled on frozen pizzas. 
 
Invited Norm to join me on my easy run tomorrow morning.
 
Tuesday:
Up at 5:30am to cloudy skies and rain. Norm got up not long after me. We left for a run and he made it almost a mile before he had to turn back with stomach issues. He is now on strict orders to keep far away and not touch anything that I also touch. 
 
Easy days are not great for my mental state. Too much time to ruminate about the sad state of affairs that is my life. I came home in not the best mood. Later in the day my friend I am staying with in North Carolina texted to ask how I was feeling about the race. My response was that I was so stressed about money I have barely had time to think about the race.
 
Got 9.5 miles done, mostly because I turned for home without thinking. HaShem was really putting on a show with the sky today. It was so beautiful. I love running on raining days. Not racing because I tend to get hypothermia easy but training is awesome.
 
Since I’m on spring break I was able to go to yoga at 9:30am instead of after the work. I stopped at the grocery store to get the stuff for dinner. FYI- 32ndStreet and Camelback is the best grocery store in town! Large Kosher and gluten free sections!
 
Came home and had time to shower and eat before heading to work. 
 
It was so nice to get home and be able to sit down and relax for a bit. I listened to a podcast about Eschatology with Phil Torres. Now I want to read his book. Made enchiladas and worked on lessons for the college for next week.  Since my plane doesn't land until 1:15am Monday and I teach at 8am I need to have everything ready to go for Monday morning. 
 
I also find out I have a spot at Lake Sonoma. I am super excited about this, but if you have been reading this blog you know that financially things are a bit tricky at the moment. It has been suggested to me a few times over the last few years that I start a Go Fund Me page, but this feels very self indulgent and makes me feel uncomfortable. And to be honest I wouldn't handle people saying snarky things about me very well. I know there would be people who would judge and feel the need to make those judgments known. 
 
Wednesday:
I am so bummed to be on a bit of a taper this week. The weather has been so beautiful and I am on spring break.  I wish I could just run for hours. I come home and start laundry and start packing my bag.
 
I stop by iRun to get a new pair of shoes. Then a stop at Target to get some things we need for the house and most importantly a headphone jack for my stupid phone that does not have a headphone jack. I am sure one of the teenagers took the one that came with my phone.
 
Off to work and then back home. More laundry and packing.  I am struggling with yoga or not? I want to go, but I don't want to get home at 7:30pm. I want to go, but I still need to pack. I want to go, but I don't want to drive across town. I want to go, but I don't want to have to stop and put gas in my car. 
 
Somehow I managed to motivate myself to get to yoga. It wasn’t my best practice ever, but I was there. I get home with a lot to do, needing a shower and starving hungry. Norm tells me that the watchband I ordered doesn’t fit my watch. My reaction may have been a little over the top, but I blame it on my stress level. 
 
I eat, shower, and finish packing. I look up my shipping options for a Suunto watch band and see that I can get one overnighted. But I have to wait until the morning because Yael is asleep and I don't have her address. 

​Thursday:
That 3:45am alarm was no fun. Coffee, get dressed, throw the last few things in the bag. I order a new watchband and pay a bill and we are off to the airport. I am a little surprised how busy the airport is this early in the morning. I go through security and get a coffee and bagel. There were not a lot of options for breakfast. I only eat half of the bagel.
 
The flight attendants on Frontier Airlines could stand to take a master class from the Southwest flight attendants. I got some assignment planning done on the plane. 
 
Uneventful flight. Thank Gd. Waiting for Yael I was eating the rest of my bagel. I was tearing the bagel in half and half of it goes flying out of my hand and onto the ground. I had 2 clementines in my purse and ate those with the remaining quarter of a bagel. 
 
Yael teaches yoga ta 5:15pm and I go with her to take her class.  We grab dinner from Whole Foods. I had avocado sushi, half a sweet potato and 2 pieces of grilled pineapple. I drive her car back to her house. She has to stay to lead teacher training. I take Pixie out to pee, pour myself a big glass of wine and facetime my family.
 

​Friday:
I thought I would be up early without setting my alarm. Wrong! I didn't wake up until 7am. I finally pulled myself out of bed at 7:20am for some coffee. 
 
I wasn’t really sure where to head for my run. Luckily sidewalks are everywhere here. I just headed out on a straight route so I wouldn't get lost. Sometimes the sidewalks just end and would have to cross the road. The weather was beautiful! Low 60’s and cloudy with a nice breeze. 
 
We had the yummiest food for lunch. We went to Sassool for lunch. I have to find a place like this back home. Tons of vegan and GF options. The place was packed so you know it’s good.
 
Yael and I did a Target run. She has the best Target I have ever been to and I am very jealous. I had some down time to read. I am reading a book called Why Buddhism is True by Robert Wright. He is an evolutionary psychologist and I am using his book in the psychology classes I teach, but I am really enjoying the book.
 
My watchband came in the mail. There are no screws, it’s held together with a tension pin. I watched a video and then called Norm. How the hell am I meant to get this off? In the end I got a kitchen knife out. The first part of the band was surprisingly easy. The second part took a little more work than I was prepared for, but in the end I was successful. I am so happy to have a working watchband again. And I love the blue color. 
 
We made a Starbucks run and then dropped the kids to swim before heading to the expo. After a little confusion on my part about where to pick up my bib number (the elite numbers were a bit hidden in a back corner). I walk up and tell them my name and after checking a list the guy says, “did you register …” trailing off. Panic strikes. Did I come all this way and they forgot? But quickly he says, “oh here you are.” I get my bib number, my shirt and my parking pass and I am on my way. 
 
Yael digs out some tea lights so we can light Shabbos candles. Later we went to a Thai restaurant with lots of gluten free options. The Apex/Cary gluten free game is strong. 

​Saturday:
 
I set an alarm so I could get up to run with Yael. She and Pixie (her dog) joined me for the first half of my run. Yael took me to downtown Apex and on a wonderful paved path that ran in between neighborhoods. It’s wooded and there is a lovely little creek. After Yael went back home I headed back out on the path and made a big loop back to the house for 8 miles. I could have run for so long because the morning was perfect for running. 
 
I had oatmeal with a little maple syrup and walnuts for breakfast. I hang out in bed and listen to podcasts while playing games on my phone. I talk to Norm for a few minutes. After lunch I feel sleepy and take a small nap. I always find it funny that the day before race I feel sleepy even though I haven't really done anything. 
 
I get up and listen to some more podcasts. I think about a half mile walk to coffee shop but decide against it. When Yael is home from work we go to Target to get pizza for dinner. And some dairy free ice cream. 
 
I make my pizza and have some wine. I head to bed pretty early (after my ice cream of course).

​Sunday:
The alarm goes off at 5am.  Ugh. I had a small headache all night. And it’s cold.  I get up and what do I discover? Yep, I started my period. Unbelievable! I go get coffee and wait for Yael to come downstairs so I can ask for a tampon. Now I am stressed out. I never run well the day I start my period. I have even walked off a race course because I feel so terrible. If you have been reading this blog for any amount of time than you know I get headaches and stomach aches and have zero energy the first day of my period. After I get some tampons I go back to bed and sit under the covers while I finish my coffee. At 5:30am I start getting dressed and eat a granola bar. We leave the house on time at 6am. I had been told that because I had a parking pass there was no reason to get there early. But the start was a lot farther from parking than I expected. I also had to wait in a really long line to go to the bathroom. I text Yael and tell her to bring my stuff and meet me at the bathrooms.  By the time I get finished they are filing everyone into the start chute and there is no time to warm up. My warm is basically me jumping and down and bending over to touch my toes. 
 
I guess it worked okay because I had not trouble going fast at the start. It’s a little crowded with the half and the full starting together, but it only lasts a couple miles before we take a right turn and they take a left. It is a beautiful paved path lined with large trees. Unfortunately those beautiful trees were completely messing up my Suunto. My pace was constantly bouncing from 7:40 to 5:50 pace and I knew that neither of those was true. Every time there was a clearing in the trees I would get a chance to see my actual pace. My goal was to run 6:30 pace through the half and then let myself assess the situation and slow down if necessary. I had a pack of guys that helped me out a lot, especially since I suck at pacing and my watch was basically useless. I fell off a bit at 13 and 14, but picked it back up for 15 and 16. From they pace went up and down for a few miles due to so long gradual climbs and nice fast down hills. I had to stop to poop at about mile 16 and I lost one of gels so after taking one at mile 8 I didn't have another until about mile 18. It was longer than I wanted and I was feeling hungry by the time I took it. That’s not good. I spent some time running with a guy who was way too happy and pacing someone to a sub 3 marathon (the person he was pacing wasn’t happy at all). The pacer call out, “a 10K left!” and I yell out, “I hate 10K’s!” This made him laugh and we chatted a bit.  The last 4 miles I just felt like I had zero energy. I knew if I could pick it up to 7 minute miles I could still run a sub 3 hour marathon, but I just couldn't do it. I can’t tell you how bad I wanted to walk. My legs were dead. I tried to make a big push coming into the last half mile. It was tricky with walking half marathonerss spread out. I am not complaining and criticizing, good for them! It just made things crowded and hard to navigate. But I ran out of steam and ended up finishing in 3:01. That sounds so slow. I like the sound of I ran a marathon at a 6:51 average pace better.
 
The whole race I knew I was 2nd female. It’s out and back so that makes that easy to watch and also everyone kept telling me. With about 4 miles left a girl passed me. Super nice and really trying to encourage me to go with her. I finally said, “it’s okay, I have a 50 mile race in a month I am happy with what I am doing now.” Okay she replied and took off. When I finished there was a guy at standing there taking official times that confirmed I was 3rdfemale. But when it was time for awards they called someone else’s name for the 3rdfemale and I was given the award for 1stmaster’s. I was confused and Yael and I talked about what to do. I was sure I was 3rdand so was Yael, but what if I wasn’t? I didn't want to cause a scene and I wasn’t sure what to say or what to do. There is a prize purse difference but I didn't want to seem greedy. So we left. But we kept talking about it.  And when we looked at the results the girl they awarded 3rdplace to only had a split for the 18 mile mark and no others. Yael has a friend on the board and she texted her to ask what I should do. She responded immediately that I should email the race and provided an email address. So I emailed and explained what I thought and why and included the part about the splits. The replied to let me know that timing would look into it. I quickly heard back that it appears she only ran the half and the results would be amended to reflect that I was 3rdfemale.  And they were, really quickly. I don't think this girl was trying to cheat. I think she signed up for the full and either changed her mind and decided to run the half or signed up for the full because the half filled up but never really intended to run the full. Yael said the half fills up quickly every year and it isn't uncommon for people to register for the full but really they just want to run the half. 
 
Okay, back to post race. We went home to shower. Then we had lunch at a BBQ joint, my suggestion. I mean, I can't come to the South and not eat BBQ! We took Pixie downtown and walked around. Pixie poops in someones yard and we don't have any bags. I pull receipts out of my purse to pick up poop and drop it in the paper shopping bag we had from buying Yael’s daughter some shoes. We got a glass of wine, which I clearly deserved. Then we went to CoreRestore at Core Power. A little dinner and another glass of wine at Whole Foods before Yael dropped me at the airport. My flight doesn't leave until 11:16pm, but I didn’t want her to have to bring me that late so I told her to just drop me and I would keep myself busy. The Raleigh airport is dead at 9pm on a Sunday night.
 
I feel really good. Not sore at all. Which probably means I didn't run as hard as I could. I think those slow miles at the end where due to a lack of energy that probably came from a lack of calories. 
 
If you are wondering about the Tobacco Road marathon, I definitely recommend it. The full didn't seem any where near as crowded as the half. The water stations are plentiful. The course is beautiful if you pay attention to that sort of thing. They say the last 10K is downhill, I dispute that claim. And there was a long gradual uphill that was amazing when you ran down it but not when you ran up in the last 5 or so miles of the race. You definitely want to buy the parking pass. Apex and Cary are great cities! Very walkable. Lots of nice places for running. I am already planning to come back next year. If you are looking for a small marathon, I definitely recommend this one.  

Monday:
This 8am psych class I am teaching is bumming me out. It happens every semester. I always have one class that has terrible energy. The whole vibe is “couldn't care less”. Makes it really hard to teach. And for those of you thinking that the problem is that the class is at 8am, you are wrong. I have had plenty of 8 am classes that were amazing. 
 
Came home from teaching and headed out on my run. Decided that it was warm off to run without a shirt and let my pale body parts get some sun. Poured water into my handheld and it leaked everywhere. Hank must have gotten a hold if it. So I put on shirt and grabbed my vest.  This would come in handy when I fall 5 miles into my run and hand starts bleeding like someone cut my hand off. The side of my knee was just skinned but there is so much blood coming from my hand. It’s all over my leg, my shorts. I take my shirt off and wrap it around my hand to try to get the blood to stop flowing. After a few minutes it works. I pour some water on my hand to find that it is the smallest cut. Ridiculous! I was expecting a huge gapping wound.  My hand hurts, my knee hurts, but I decided to finish the last 5 miles of the run.
 

​Tuesday:
It's a Tuesday miracle! It's speed work day and there weren't ridiculously strong winds blowing. Norm decided to run my warm up with me. Which was nice but also meant I ran 2 miles really slow and then had to go into some really fast running. 
 
Today the speed work was one mile at 6:30 pace followed by 4 times 5:50 pace for half a mile with half a mile rest and one last 6:30 mile. Holding that 5:50 pace is not as easy as I would like it to be. The last 2 of the 4  I ended up falling to a 6 min mile for the last tenth of a mile or so.  
 
Norm and I discussed the race and decided that I would buy the tickets today. Except when I set down to buy my tickets I got a nasty surprise. Flying Frontier wasn’t going to be about $200. By the time I added on paying for a seat and having a carry on it was closer to $400. That I definitely cannot afford. Norm told me to go ahead and book the ticket and we would figure it out, but what if we don't? I just don't want to keep stressing about money. We decide to talk about it more later, but I don’t change my mind. Basically I am hoping that my child support check will come in time for me to be able to buy plane tickets.  
 
I decide that since I am probably not going to North Carolina I will go to Flagstaff this weekend to run SP Crater. It’s inexpensive and a close drive. Except it’s sold out.  I am just feeling a little down about not having a race on the schedule. 
 
I went to yoga and that was ridiculous. My hand still hurts so much from the fall. I couldn’t put any weight on my hand. 
 
Wednesday:
I usually run after I teach but I have to take Sinjin to the orthodontist. The plan is to run after work, but that doesn't usually go as planned. I am thinking if I can find a place to go run after work and not come home that might help so that I don't get pulled into all the “stuff”. But also I really need to run errands. Getting paid on a Tuesday throws everything off. I can’t do shopping over the weekend because I am waiting for my paycheck. 
 
As I predicted, I did not run in the afternoon. I came home feeling tired, unmotivated and annoyed that the kitchen was a mess. I had coffee, went to the grocery store to get the stuff to make a salad and came home to wash dishes. 
 
I went to bed around 7pm. 
 
Thursday:
My body seems to be adjusting to the 5:30am wake up pretty easily. I was up before my alarm went off. I had coffee and was out the door by 6:15am. Too bad I was not feeling like I being speedy. It’s weird how some days speed work feels so easy and few days later it can feel like you never ran fast a day in you life. In the middle of my speed work I had to make an emergency stop at Granada to use a porta potty.  The toilet in the porta potty is so high up that my feet don't reach the floor. They just dangle there. I don’t like it. 
 
In the end it was 6 miles of progressively faster by small increments. I finished with 11 miles. 
 
I really like my Tuesday Thursday class. The class has good energy. But I am feeling so tired. I had planned to go home and do a weight work out but I am exhausted.  I am actually considering skipping yoga this afternoon because I feel like I have no energy.  (I did skip yoga but that was because Norm finished work really early and I went home to hang out with him.)
 
I caved today and asked my mom to help me with the airfare to my race. I just need a loan for a week or so and she was happy to help. (I mean she didn't say she was happy but I am assuming.) Good news that I am going to my race, bad news that I feel totally unprepared because I have been trying to prepare myself to not being able to race any more. It’s just the same every year, the question of how to afford this?
 
So, time to try to start feeling like an athlete again.
 
Friday:
I should have eaten before I left for my run because I ended up feeling really hungry. I ran 12 miles and headed home. It was nice to run super easy and not think about time.  Eat breakfast, got some grocery shopping done and headed to work with the kinders.
 
I thought about going to yoga in the afternoon but I had a headache all afternoon that wouldn't go away so I skipped it. 

The child support clearing house is holding 3 checks and I haven't received child support since January. This is the second time someone at Maricopa County told me they would send an email to try to get one of checks released immediately. Fingers crossed. This person also explained that it isn't a 10 day hold but a 12 day hold on my checks from now on beaus they hold the check for 10 business days and then they release the hold and it takes 2 days to process and deposit into my account. So now my checks will come around the 20th of the month instead of the 6th. 
 
Saturday:
Norm left at 3:45am to go work at the Mesquite Canyon. I woke to say good-bye and went back to sleep. I was up around 5:45am and alternated between wanting to get up and wanting to go back to sleep. I ended up getting up, but taking my time to get out the door. 
 
I ran 10 miles and had another stomach issue on the canal. I have to figure out what is causing this before my race next weekend. Stomach issues during a marathon have been a problem for me in the past so I am not thrilled that I am having trouble on easy training runs. 
 
I came home and did dishes before going to yoga. I gave the dogs a bath and after clean house.  You know it's taper time if I am cleaning house. If I am not out running for hours I can't deal with this house. House cleaning is always at the very bottom of my list and no one else seems interested in doing something about it so it can get a bit yucky around here. 
 
I spent some time working on getting my next class at the community college set up and doing laundry while listening to podcasts. 
 
Norm and I talk about my race strategy for Tobacco Road. The goal is just to run a sub 3 marathon. I tell Norm that the problem is that I struggle with going with what feels comfortable and going for it. Norm asks me how I end up feeling when I go for it. “I feel great when it works out!” I tell him.  He just laughs at me. 
 
In the evening I was surprised to get a really nice text message from someone offering to loan me the money for airfare to my race. Such a kind gesture, I was really touched.
 
Sunday:
I don't normally run speed work on a Sunday but I wanted to add another workout to the schedule before the race next weekend. My plan was to run 6 miles at 6:50 pace. A nice “easy fast” pace to just keep my legs use to running fast. I have talked about this before but I have learned over time that a big taper does not work for me. If I take my mileage down too much and if I take out the speed for too long I end up feeling like a slug on race day. In the end my run turned out to be a progression run. I wasn’t trying but I kept getting faster with no change in perceived effort. I guess that is good news.
 
I came home to eat and head off to yoga.
 
I have been thinking about this dog Bisbee at the shelter in Sedona and was planning to go get him this afternoon, but talked myself out of it on my run. But talked myself into it during yoga. I get home and Brandi and I discuss it while I eat lunch. We decided to go check him out and take Pasta to meet him. 
 
He is a beautiful dog! But he does not like other dogs and needs to be an only dog. We did get to meet him and he is a sweetie. Please go get him!  Pasta was very nervous at the shelter. Poor girl. This is the shelter where I got here so maybe she was having some bad memories. But the staff were so happy to see here and see how happy she is. They loved hearing the stories of our adventures and how much we love her. I mean, she is my soul mate.
 
We got some food for Brandi and coffee for both of us and headed back to Phoenix. I was really happy that the traffic wasn’t bad. That drive home on the 17 can be brutal.

​Monday:
In case you missed it last week, I am so excited to report that I have elite entry to the Tobacco Road Marathon!  I am super excited about the race but also super nervous. Between the ankle and the what we are now assuming was the flu and maybe bronchitis I am just unsure how it will go.  It will be so fun to stay with my friend Yael.
 
No running today as I work on getting the ankle better but I did go to yoga at noon and got a weight workout done. 
 
Tuesday:
My alarm went off at 5:30 am and I turned it off. My alarm went off at 6am and I turned it off. At 6:30am I finally got out of bed. I had a cup of coffee and decided to get myself out the door for a run. I knew I was going o be cutting it close, but I also knew I would feel better if I got my run done this morning instead of waiting. I get my watch off the charger and the screen is totally blank. When I put it on the charger it was 50 percent charged and now it’s dead? This watch is really starting to get on my nerves. I don't need it except to know what time it is so I can get back to get ready for work. I am low on time and not sure what pace I am going to run so this is a little dicey. I run 5 miles with no pain in my ankle. I have 20 minutes to get ready when I get home. Plenty of time.  I did end up running a bit late so I threw some fruit and Kind bar in my bag for lunch. I get out the door only to find my car is covered in a sheet of ice. WTF? I turn on the defrost and Norm comes to scrape ice of windshield. Then there is an accident a few blocks form my house on Central that slows traffic down. Luckily I managed to only be about 5 minutes late. 
 
My ankle didn't hurt during my run, but it does feel a bit sore off and on the rest of the day. 
 
 
Wednesday:
Charlie told me to only run every other day so I am not running today. I was planning to go to yoga, but wasn’t feeling great when I got home so decided to rest. Whatever sickness I had is a stage 5 clinger and doesn't seem to want to go away. I am still taking cold medicine most nights to help dry up all the gunk and get some sleep. Coughing all night is not super restful. 
 
Thursday:
It’s a running day. I was pretty much alone. It’s cold and rainy out. But I think it’s perfect. I actually love running in a light rain. 6 miles done no problem and I even ran a bit faster today without much issue, unless I stop. Every time I stop I end up having  a coughing fit. 
 
Friday:
No running, no yoga. 
 
Saturday:
I wanted to run 15 miles, but only made it 10 because of my ankle. Because I was running pretty early on a Saturday morning I took roads that I wouldn’t normally take. By the time I got to Granada at mile 6 my ankle was hurting a little. I didn't want to make it worse so I headed home on the canal. My ankle felt better running on the packed dirt of the canal so I am thinking that the hard surface of the road was the problem. (Charlie later tells me that this isn't likely.) I ran 6 miles twice during the week with no problems so why would it bother me today? I did get a good weight session in so I feel okay about the day, but I am anxious to get back to training. Chest was hurting when I started, but I felt better after a bit. But I was still getting the coughing fits when I stop running. 
 
Sunday:
It’s a no running day, but I did go to yoga. A girl I have seen a class a handful of times put her mat next to me. She kept tying to make conversation. I just wasn’t in the mood. But she kept at it.  Right before class started she said. “ I have seen you here before and you look so strong. Do you think I could ever be strong like you?” I really only had time to say yes, of course you can before class started. 
 
After class I stop her and tell her I was thinking about what she said during class. We talk about defining strength for yourself and taking small steps. We talk about doing things that scare you.  We talked about being a strong woman as a role model for our children. We had a really great talk. And when she was leaving she called out from across the studio, “goodbye friend.” I feel bad for being an ass and I am glad that she kept trying to talk to me. 
 
I also can't remember working that hard in a yoga class! If someone tells you that you look strong right before class starts you can't really phone it in after that. 
 
 
Monday:
Last day teaching all day! The plan was to come home from like 4pm to 5pm and then go to yoga at 6pm. But I didn't. I just had zero motivation and I could not talk myself into it.  I think not having a race plan is leaving me a bit unfocused. Yes, I have a marathon in 3 weeks, but skipping this one day isn't going to make a difference and there isn't much I can do in 3 weeks that is going to make a huge difference. It feels like the training is done and now I just have to keep steady and cruise into race day. With being sick and having a hurt ankle my mileage is pretty low so if I run 8 miles this week, it will be huge. Like said, it was hard to convince myself that I shouldn’t miss this one day. If I don't even want to go to yoga I figure that maybe I should listen to my body and rest. I want to train hard, but I also want to avoid burn out so maybe laying in bed with my dog and watching Broadchurch is an okay thing to do today.
 
 
Tuesday:
Of course I started my period. The exhaustion and lack of motivation should have been a clue. I started teaching a new class at the community college today. It’s a hybrid class, so part online and part in person. I like teaching at 9:30 because I can get in a run before work.  I left at 6:30 and got 10 miles done with plenty of time to have coffee and get dressed for work. I tried to run a speed work but my lungs were having none of it. 4 miles in to the fast running I was wheezing pretty bad. But my ankle felt great. I did have to eat breakfast in the car on the way to work.
 
After class I came home and get a weight workout done, changed into work clothes and ate lunch in the car on the way to the kindergarten. After work, headed to yoga. Ate a Larabar in the car on the way to yoga.  There seems to be a pattern developing here.
 
Wednesday:
I wanted to get some miles done on the trail before I go to see Charlie. I ran 6 easy miles on the trail. No ankle pain. I could feel it sometimes, but wondered if I was imagining it.
 
Charlie checked out my ankle.  He did a little work on it and gave me some exercises to do. I learned that your big toe should move independently. Who knew? It also practically requires Jedi mind tricks to get mine to move independently so I have to practice that. 
 
Thursday:
Speed work went a lot better today. I gave myself a nice long warm up before staring my progression run. I also let my start an easy fast pace. I really wanted to get under a 6 min mile for the last mile, but I missed it. That was hard! 
 
Off to the college. I really like this class. They have good energy. I only have one kid that’s a problem. On Tuesday he texted through my whole class. Today he came in and left one ear bud in and was watching something on his phone the whole time. I hate having to deal with this kind of crap. I don't make my students put there phones away because I have a lot of students with kids and I honestly I don't mind if you need to shoot off a quick message to someone. But it really bugs me if you aren't paying attention at all. And what’s worse is it is almost always the student athletes that are the problem. As an athlete this really makes me mad. These kids don't do their part in the classroom and then want me to give them a good report on their check in sheets that go to the coaches. 

​Friday:
I wanted to run 15 miles but I got 13 done and loved every minute of. I was getting super hungry so decided to turn back to home a little early.  
 
This was the end of my good day. Back in January there was an issue with my child support check. It went in and then was taken out a day later, which made my account go negative before it was put back in the next day. Neither my ex nor I ever really understood what happened. In February my child supported never deposited and that isn't like my ex so I asked him about. He said he paid so I just thought it would eventually deposit. Except it didn't. I called last Friday to find out what was going on and was told that because the check for January had bounced they were holding the check to settle what he owed for the clearinghouse allowing the support to go through. Okay fine, but would have been nice for someone to tell us. My ex made a second payment last Friday so that I would get a February payment and apologized for the inconvenience. No big deal. But I still don't have my child support so I called after work. They now have 2 payments for February and are holding both. The clearinghouse will now be holding my payments for approximately10 days for the next 2 years because of that one bounced check. No one can tell me when I will be getting my check for February and this means my March check will becoming well into the month of March and not any day now. So I am down a very large amount of money at this point, meaning there is no way I can afford to buy plane tickets to my race in North Carolina. I just spend the rest of the night in my room crying. Not just because I can’t go to my race but also because I am behind on bills and I can't even tell people when I will have money to pay them. Let me be clear, this is not a negative comment on my ex. He was really kind and apologetic and it was all an accident on his part. I am pissed about the system. The clearinghouse is meant to help people and I am just getting screwed. I am hate being under so much stress about money. 
 
Saturday:
Norm did his once a month training run and we got 6.5 miles done.  I didn't bother to run any more miles because I feel like what is the point? I don't have any races on my schedule. I’m feeling pretty depressed at this point. I worked so hard to get ready for Desert Solstice despite all the crap that was going and that day was a disaster. I trained so hard for Black Canyon and had to miss it because I was so sick.  Now I am going to miss a race I was looking forward to because the clearinghouse is holding my checks. 
 
We decided to go to the Sunnyslope Food Crawl with Brandi and Enzo. We stopped at our favorite local restaurant and got an appetizer to share. Even though we skaed about our food 3 times, in 30 minutes we still hadn't gotten out chips and queso dip. We asked for out money back and left. At the next restaurant we waited and waited and waited and no one came to seta us. The next place had an a hour and a half wait.  We went back to the place were we couldn't get seated and found out the $5 plate wasn’t anything we wanted, We still never saw a hostess.  We stopped at the bakery and got the last $5 plate and went to Little Caesar’s to get pizza to take home. So much for cheering me up. 

​Sunday:
I get up early and enjoy the beautiful morning and head to yoga.  I spent the afternoon catching up on podcasts and reading the New York Times. I only cried a little bit today. 

​Monday:
On Sunday night I went to bed at 6:30pm really sick. On Monday I woke up really sick. I barely have a voice, I have a cough and chest pain and the worst sore throat ever. 
 
I teach my class and teach two classes for my boss at the community college. This does not help my throat or my voice. In between classes I check on Maui and the kids tell me she isn’t eating or able to get up by herself. I tell them to make an appointment with the vet. They let me know the vet is coming at 3pm.
 
I stop to get a bite to eat before going to the kindergarten. I also get hot tea and it feels so good on my throat that I wish I could just have a steady stream of almost scolding water on my throat. I ate my sandwich and almost immediately have the worst stomach pains. I spend a lot of time sitting in a tiny chair in my classroom curled into a ball and trying not to cry because my stomach hurts so badly. 
 
My boss comes to relieve me early so that I go home for the vet visit. It’s not a surprise that they suggest the best thing is to put Maui down. I knew this. You could see she had lost the spark in her eye the last few days. 
 
Maui was a really good dog. She was always protective of the kids. She was always well behaved. She always happy and fun. She just always brought the kids joy and comfort. Enzo picked her out when he was 3 years old. For a big dog, she has had a nice long life. 
 
I went to bed early again.

Tuesday:
I was up a few times, but basically slept for 12 and a half hours. My throat isn't as sore, but I have no voice. Still have the snot and chest pain and cough. I also now have a headache. And my ankle is still swollen. 
 
I text Charlie about my ankle still being swollen.  He asks if it hurts to run. I have no idea. I am so sick I am barely walking, much less running.
 
Hayley texts me to ask how I am doing. I am okay about Maui. I am panicked about Saturday. Not to whine about money again, but I don’t get to race big races very often. This one happens to be in my backyard and an Aravaipa race. This makes it very affordable. It will also be my only chance to try to win a golden ticket to Western States.  The last two remaining races were lottery and are sold out. Right now it seems like the odds of being 100 percent at race day are not good. I am preparing myself for not running on Saturday. I am hoping for a miracle, but I need to be realistic. I haven’t had wine or gone to yoga since Saturday. This is how you know I am really freaking sick. 
 
Wednesday:
Going from running 10 or more miles a day along with yoga to doing nothing has left me feeling like a hippo.  
 
I didn't sleep great. I was up coughing off and on all night. Happily I had already planned to show a documentary to my Psych class so I didn't have to talk because I still have no voice. 
 
I came home to give running a try and see what happens with my lungs and my ankle. My lungs weren’t great, but it seems like I could run as long as I am not pushing the pace. Of course that isn't really great for racing. But I didn't get to find out how my lungs would hold up because my ankle started hurting about a half mile into the run. It was actually hurting pretty much right away, but not bad. The more intense pain developed about a half mile in.  I kept trying to decide if the pain was bad or if I was imaging it bad because I am stressed about my ankle hurting. It’s still swollen. I turn around and come back home. 
 
I feel like I could probably tape my ankle and take some ibuprofen and run at Black Canyon. But if I am still coughing and have no voice and my chest is hurting, it doesn't seem like a smart idea to race. 
 
Here it is the end of the day Wednesday and I am feeling tired. Still no voice. Still coughing with chest pain. And my ankle hurts just walking. Not bad pain, just feels sore. This morning I cried a little bit in the bathroom at work thinking about missing this race, but I am trying to make peace with the fact that I am not running Black Canyon. I keep thinking, “all this work down the drain.” And I have to remind myself that I wasn't training for just this one race, that I can still use this training for other races, but with no races really on the horizon I don't have anything to shift my focus to.
 
Thursday:
Nothing has changed. I am still coughing all the time and I have no voice. I am not sleeping well because I wake up coughing.
 
Friday:
I might be a smidge better, but not super noticeable. Every now and then I will go without coughing for a bit and think “can I run tomorrow?” But that’s a ridiculous idea. Even if I thought I felt a little better, I am not sure I have the right mindset since I have been trying to prepare myself all week for not running on Saturday. 
 
I don't have to work today. There was a training, but I had already taken the day off so I decide to use the day to rest and hopefully encourage my body to get better already.  
 
Today is a big day at our house because Norm has been sober for 12 years today. I can’t even say how proud I am of him. He’s such an amazing person and I am so lucky to have him as my husband and best friend. If he hadn't taken the steps to change his life before I met him, we never would have met. Like all relationships we have our ups and downs, but truly there isn’t a nicer guy. If you know Norm, you know this is true. Even when we aren’t getting along so well things the relationship is still pretty nice. We just separate a bit and do our thing and try to come to a resolution. It’s never a confrontational or angry situation, just matter of the fact, here where are now situation. Don't get me wrong, we have had a few good fights but I he’s so damn nice I usually feel like I kicked a puppy and apologize. We make him spaghetti and meatballs for dinner because it’s his favorite. 
 
 
Saturday:
Slept in nice and late. I had taken cold medicine on Friday night so I slept pretty well. I got up, listened to a podcast, did some dishes and decided to go for a run. 
 
I leave the house and about a tenth of a mile I get stopped at a light. A homeless guy (I’m assuming) asks me how far I am going to run. “Not too far,” I answer. He just walks on. Maybe he was going to join me, but was looking for a long run? 
 
I get going and I am feeling great. I am running a 8 min/mi pace and I am thinking I was dumb for not racing. And then a half mile in I get a terrible side cramp and have to slow to a 9min/mi pace.  It was like a reverse progression run, I just got slower and slower.  I felt like I was barely moving and my chest hurt a bit, my upper back hurt a bit and I felt like I wasn’t getting much air. I left my house thinking I would run 8 to 10 miles. Once I got going I wanted to turn around at 4 but convinced myself to try for 6 miles. I ran 6 miles, but it wasn’t pretty. I didn't cough much while I was running, but when I stopped there was a lot of coughing. My ankle started hurting a bit at mile 3, but it was never too bad. 
 
I came home and had some lunch and then decided to do weights. I might as well get a weight workout in before I do round 2 of the dishes.
 
I am feeling a bit better this afternoon. I spend that time looking at marathons. I am trying to find a race where I can run attempt a sub 3 marathon. I need a measure of where I am at right now. I see a few possibilities. I zero in on Tobacco Road marathon. I have a friend that lives in Cary, NC and I can fly on Frontier airlines for pretty cheap. I apply for elite entry and cross my fingers.
 
Sunday:
Enjoying another lazy day while I can. I am going back to yoga today and if the people in class are upset by my coughing well… too bad. Not working out is killing me!
 
I was up early enough to get a run in before yoga so I decided to head out. It was about 39 degrees and the canal was pretty much empty. It was just me a few of diehard old guys. I kept it nice and easy and was happy to see that I ran a little faster than yesterday. 
 
I went to yoga and at first it seemed like it was going to be a disaster. I could not stop coughing. And of course today class wasn’t very crowded and everyone was so quiet. But once class started I was coughing a lot less.  I apologized to the people on both sides of me after class and luckily they both were super nice and supportive. I mean, I don't think I am contagious at this point. 
 
I text Charlie and let him know that my ankle was better today. It hurt a little at the start of my run, but just for a short amount of time and then it was fine as long as I run on a path that isn't uneven. He tells me to run every other day. Normally I would find this upsetting but I am teaching all day next week because the Hebrew teacher is out. This means I will be running in the dark, which also means that I will be sticking to the roads. 
 
Monday:
I usually just write for one week, but I thought it might be nice to end on a positive note. I am so excited to report that I have elite entry to the Tobacco Road Marathon!  I am super excited about the race and also super nervous because it’s a month a way. It will be so fun to see Yael. And so scary to run a marathon again!  I let Charlie know that I am registered for this race and we need to get this ankle mended ASAP! 
 
Today is my day off from running so I will go to yoga at noon and come home for a weight workout.  I need to get a ton of work done because I spent all week listening to podcasts and watching Broadchurch. 
 

​Monday:
Took it easy today and ran 6 miles. It was a test run in many ways. I wanted to see how my Achilles is feeling. It was just fine. I wanted to see how my lungs are feeling. They were just fine. And I wanted to test a pair of Salomon S/Lab in the right size. 
 
Everything seems to be coming along really well, except the shoes. I love the Salomon’s but I can get a bit of nerve pain on the button of my right foot from a bunion. I just don't think my feet could handle 60 plus miles on the trail in those shoes. But it still amazes me how light they are and how well they grip. With rain in the forecast the days leading up to the race and race day, I am not comfortable with my road shoes on the trail. I just worry there will be too much slipping.  No traction can make it tricky to run fast. I am trying to figure to how to work a pair of trail shoes into the budget (because I currently do not own a pair).
 
Of course I went to yoga. 

Tuesday:
I decided to put speed work back on the schedule. Not sure how my body would feel I went with a very easy progression run. I was very happy that I made that choice when I got to Granada Park and the water was turned off. I had decided to not carry water that day because I knew I was only running 10 miles.  I did finish my progression run, but I cut a mile off the cool down so I could get home and get some water. Other than being thirsty, I felt good the whole time and I think I have totally gotten rid of the plague. I am usually a no show sock girl, but I loved these Drymax hyper thin crew socks!
 
Unfortunately, Norm seems to have come down with the plague that has been going around our house. 
 
My boss at the community college asks me to sub for him on Wednesday morning. That means I lose my time that I usually run, but the extra money would be nice.
 
Yoga in the afternoon.
 
I have become a bit obsessed with trying to figure out how I can afford to go to the 50K National Road Championships on March 4th. There really isn't a way…maybe I should start playing the lotto. I am in a bit of a cranky mood in the afternoon. For months I have been waiting for February as the light at the end of the tunnel. But since enrollment was down a the college and my schedule got changed around I am making a lot less money than I thought I would be right now. I am not really sure where the light is now. And I am tired of being stressed about money. It’s not the first time I have said this, I love teaching but being an adjunct is just too stressful and financially not a stable plan for living. 
 
 
Wednesday:
I spend all morning at the community college.  I was okay to give up my running time to make a little extra money, but in the end I had to take my youngest to an appointment in the afternoon and I wasn’t able to go to the kindergarten or my tutoring job.  That means I really didn't make any extra money and I lost my running time. Not thrilled about this turn of events.
 
I am still obsessed with trying to figure out how I can afford to go to the 50K National Road Championships on March 4th. There really isn't a way…maybe I should start playing the lotto. 
 
 
Thursday:
I was not feeling great last night and it’s pretty chilly for Phoenix weather so I did not set an alarm and I slept in this morning. I had to make a dog food run before I could start running so I got a pretty late start. I had 15 miles on the schedule. I did not have it in me to run the same routes I always run so I did something a bit different and headed to dreamy draw to run in the preserve over there. It was a smart idea because as soon as I got over there I felt better and even thought about adding in some extra miles just to check out some different routes. My lungs had not been feeling great on this run and I am a little worried about how my day is going to go at Black Canyon. I decided against the extra miles and hoped I was on the right trail to get my back to bathrooms at the mile mark.  Just me or do other people think, “yep, this is the right place, I remember peeing in that wash or behind that bush?” Any way I got to the bathrooms at 10.5 and was a little off on my guess about distance home so I ended up with 16 miles. 
 
Went to yoga in the afternoon. Had a little cry in the parking lot talking to Norm about running and finances. Like I said before, I thought there was a light at the end of the tunnel and that light got moved. Now I feel like the water is coming in my boat faster than I can bail it out.  
 
Friday:
It was a beautiful morning and the trails were so empty that I ended up just getting lost in enjoying the running and the trails in the PMP and ran more than I meant to run. I ended up with 18 miles.  
 
After work I went to pick up my bib for the Phoenix Half Marathon. Originally the plan was to pace Hayley, but she has an injury and isn't running. I was on the fence about running. I kept changing my mind so I figured I might as well pick up my bib and worry about making a decision later. I actually would like to use the race as a speed work out, but I don't really want to get up at 3:30am to get a speed work out in. I’m lazy.
 
By the time I got home I had a headache, it was 4:30pm and there was no food in the house and nobody took the dogs out. At this point I just wanted to drink a lot of wine and go to sleep. But we went and got something to make for dinner. Brandi made dinner for me. My head feels better and I decide to race. 
 
Saturday:
I did not sleep well at all. I actually was awake before my alarm went off so it seemed like I might as well get up and go to the race. The dogs were not amused with having to get up and go to the bathroom at 4am. Norm dropped me off the half marathon start. This is a much better option than taking the buses. But in retrospect, I would not have had him drop me so early. The race said you needed to be there by 5:15am, but that was not true. Lots of people showed up much later. 
 
At 5:45 I took off my warm clothes and turned in my drop bag. I did about 2.5 miles of really slow running to warm up. I got to the start line too soon, and I really should have gone to pee one more time. 
 
Off we go! And I really needed to pee. I tried to just pee on myself but it wasn’t happening.  At mile 2 I ducked behind some bushes and went pee.  I may have lost the pack and some time but I am so happy I stopped to pee. I felt so much better after. 
 
My plan was to run fast until mile 8 and if I felt like I needed to pull back the pace I would.  I wanted to try to run 6:15 pace but I ended up running about 6:25 pace. The good news about this I never really felt like I was running all out. I think I could run faster if I was really racing it. I held pace through mile 8 and dropped a bit for miles 9 and 10. I am not sure why but mile 11 was just a lot slower than I would have wanted. Then I realized that if I could pick it up I might run a PR, but I missed it by a minute.  Overall, though I am happy with the day.
 
In the afternoon Ava came to tell me that our dog Maui isn't doing well. She hadn’t eaten since the morning before and was panting a lot.  We started talking about having a vet come to the house maybe it’s time to put her down. She is 15 years old and she can't see, hear or smell. We gave her some shredded chicken and she scarfed it down. She is a big dog (Rottweiler/black lab mix) and she has lived a long time. I know she is getting to the end of her life, but I am totally willing to buy her all the shredded chicken she wants if I can keep her alive this week and not have to deal with sadness of losing a dog going into a race I have been working so hard to train for. Selfish, I know. I mean I want her live as long as possible is she is happy. But of it's her time, can it just not be this week.
 
It’s national pizza day so we are of course eating pizza.  I went to bed feeling like my chest was bugging me again.

Sunday:
I am just really pleased I feel so good after yesterday. I am not sore at all which I feel like validates the feeling that I was not running full throttle. Unfortunately, I did wake up with a sore ankle. It’s not terrible but enough that I know running on it isn’t a good idea. I also woke up with just a ton of snot in my head. I kept blowing my nose and it just wouldn't stop coming. 
 
I went to yoga and discovered that my ankle was swollen. I have such tiny, twig ankles that it can be hard to tell. I went into my first downward facing dog and it was immediately clear that my left ankle was really swollen. I was really careful during yoga to not do anything that would hurt it. The good news is that very few things made it hurt. That makes me feel like it may heal quickly.  
 
I came home and grabbed my computer and charger, phone, books, food, water and pillows and set myself up in bed to ice my ankle and keep it elevated. I told the kids I am staying off of it as much as possible so they will have to help me out. I also brought hot tea and sore throat drops to bed with me because throat is killing me. Am I getting sick again? I never felt like totally recovered so maybe it’s not that I am sick again, but still sick? This is freaking ridiculous. 

The goal now is to stay patient and calm as I go into the taper week for Black Canyon. This was not the taper I had planned.
  

Monday:
I had 15 miles on the schedule but I left with the attitude of we will see what gets done. I ended up with 11 miles. I felt pretty good, but the real test will be how exhausted I am later in the day. This sickness is kicking my butt.
 
In the afternoon I was having trouble telling if I was just feeling unmotivated or I was feeling tired. I drug myself to yoga, but definitely took it easier than normal. 
 
Side note, I always wonder if I am planking correctly? And I hate all this bow pose shit because I never feel it in my abs, just my legs. I either have seriously weak abs (a good possibility) or I am not doing it correctly. 
 
I had asked my friend Nick to pace me at Black Canyon. We ended up running a lot of miles together last year and I instantly liked him. He had told me he would let me know because he was worried about his fitness. After a long run over the weekend he decided that he was not in good enough shape to commit to pacing me. So now I am trying to figure out who is next on the list. Nick is on notice to get his ass back in shape for future pacing responsibilities. 
 
Tuesday:
I slept in later than I should. Normally this is my speed work day, but my chest is a bit tight and there is a lot of gunk just sitting there. I woke feeling like I just needed to cough a lot of stuff up, but nothing was happening. I left the house and decided that although my legs felt good, my chest was definitely not going to let me do any fast running so I headed onto the trails and will move speed work to later in the week. Again, 15 miles was on the schedule and I planned to get it all done, but after stopping at 6.5 miles I had a terrible coughing fit. I had cough drops with me but was a bit nervous about trying to suck on a cough drop and run. I really don't want to die choking on a cough drop on the trails. I also realized that my watch was about to die and my pack is rubbing my chest raw (this usually takes a lot more than 6 miles). At this point I figured the universe is trying to tell me something and I head home. And note to self: start checking when you put your watch on the charger that it is indeed charging. 
 
This did give me the opportunity to get a 40 minute session of weights ad cardio done. I will be sorry tomorrow.
 
I also find out that number 2 on my list of pacers isn’t available. I am really trying to not fall into panic mood right now. I lost days to training due to being sick and I am still not training at 100 percent. I have no pacer and I am not sure who I should ask. Norm and I have a discussion about whether I should just run it alone without a pacer. I don't know. Maybe? I know what I need in a pacer and if I can’t find that then maybe I am better off just going at it alone. But I also think it would be really valuable to have someone there for those last 30 something miles to remind me what is at stake and to help me push through the tough miles. It’s a lot easier to feel sorry for yourself when you are running alone. 
 
Yoga in the afternoon. Brandi is back at yoga with me. Yay! Let’s face it all work outs are more fun with a friend. Unfortunately she has to meet me there because I don’t think I have time to make it home, change and back to yoga. I am a little sad to miss out on all our girl chat time in the car. 
 
Wednesday:
Today is an easy day. I am feeling so tired today. I am assuming it is the sickness that is still at work. I embrace the easy day and run 11 slow miles on the canal. I spend much of the time thinking over racing Mad City 100K. It’s been on my list for a number of years now, Maybe this is the year to head out there? I am headed back home and see that 7th Street is shut down and traffic is being rerouted. I later find out there was an officer involved shooting here. Yikes! 
 
It’s a quick turn around to shower, eat and get out the door to work. I am feeling like I need a nap. I am not tutoring this afternoon so I was looking forward to going to yoga, but I end up with a terrible headache in the afternoon. The kind that doesn't go away with medication. I know this headache. This is the your period is coming headache. So I skip yoga and plan to go to bed as soon as possible. 
 
Since I am not feeling good, seeing a box from Drymax socks is super fun! It’s such a big box! I can’t believe all the socks. The teenagers are pawing through my socks and I tell them I am going to have my name embroidered on all of them so that they can’t steal my socks. I usually just buy the same style sock all the time so I am super excited to try all the different socks.  I previously had a favorite brand of socks but when I was training for the Sky Running Series in 2017 my toes where constantly busting out the front of my sock. Mark Cosmas told me to try Drymax and I have never looked back. They are my favorite socks. I never get blisters and it took 2 years for the socks to start to fall apart. I was told by the people at Drymax the socks should last for more than 2 years. That is amazing! So if you are looking for a better sock, try Drymax. I can't say thank you enough to the nice people at Drymax!

​Thursday:
I am still not feeling 100 percent but I was able to get 15 miles done without too much trouble. I pretty much ran circles in my backyard so I would never be too far from home in case things went bad. The miles went by quickly. It felt easy to get 15 miles done. I really want to run Elephant Mountain 50K, but I know it’s a bad decision. 
 
Friday:
I decided to try some speed work today. I figured if my chest said no thank you I would just quit and take it easy. I decided to run half mile fast half mile easy, which is my go to “easy” speed work because that half mile rest is nice and long. I did a 4 mile warm up and found myself struggling to run a 6:40 pace. I assumed it was because my chest was full of gunk. The wind might have been the issue. Once I turned and was no longer running into the wind I was able to run 6:00 to 6:15 pace and it didn't feel difficult. This made me really happy! 
 
In the afternoon I was regretting the speed work. My chest hurt just sitting and doing nothing. This is concerning.
 
Brandi and I made a mad rush to yoga. We have decided we don't care if it means rushing and maybe being a bit late, we would rather ride together and have the time together. I kept it very easy in class. 
 
Saturday:
Brandi really wanted to go to yoga today so this made it easier to talk myself out of running Elephant Mountain. It’s good that I am not running. Even thought it would be a training run, if I had a bad day it would make going into Black Canyon mentally tough. Even knowing I have been really sick, I would start to doubt myself. 
 
It was a perfect day for running! It made it easier to run all the miles because it was so amazing. It was cloudy and the temps stayed at about 58 degrees for my whole run.  I did my favorite hilly road mixed with trail route. Ran on some seldom used trails that don't get much use. I use the love the purple flowers that are all over the trail, but I have recently learned that they cause a reaction like poison ivy in some people. I did a lot of very careful stepping to avoid them. I have never been stressed about these flowers and now I am having anxiety. Ignorance truly is bliss! 
 
I ran into Albert Shank and we ran together for a few minutes, but he was headed off to run more hills and I was headed the opposite way back home. 
 
I got home and had an hour to get ready to leave for yoga. I don't usually go to yoga on Saturday, but Brandi is just starting back and wanted to go. We tried a new yoga instructor. She was a nice person, but I am not sure it’s the class for me. 
 
The rest of the day was spent running errands, doing dishes, and answering emails. The good news is I didn't feel tired. I ran 19 miles, went to yoga and never felt like I needed a nap. This is good!
 
My plan was to try a new pair of Drymax socks every day, but I found a new favorite and keep going back to those. The lite trail running sock actually has amazing padding on the bottom of the foot. They are called the Lite Trail Tollefson.  I do not like a lot of cushion in my shoe. And I run in road shoe, even on the trail.  These socks give me extra padding needed to make those rocky trails feel better while I still feel like I am running in a flat shoe.

Sunday:
Brandi and I went to yoga in the morning. Holy crap that class was hard! I am not sure why harmony was tying to kill us today. We have decided that the better her mood, the harder the class. 
 
I decided against running because the last two days my Achilles in my right leg was a little off. No pain, but I could feel it. On Thursday I thought maybe it was just from the speed work, but half way through my run yesterday I started to feel it again. I drove me a bit nuts to not run, but I wanted to rest it in an effort to try to keep it from becoming something.
 
There Is a dog at the Sedona Humane Society that I can't stop thinking about.  I originally saw him on a post from the Maricopa Humane Society. A Great Dane/Cattle Dog mix, he is so cute! He is 8 years old and I am a sucker for an older dog. But I didn't really think much about it after showing my family his picture and talking about how cute he is. A few weeks later I see him pop up on my instagram feed at the Humane Society in Sedona. That is where I got Pasta about a year ago. We always joke that the best dogs come from Sedona because Pasta is such a good dog.  I can't stop thinking about this dog and spent most of my run yesterday thinking about him. I came home and told the kids that I couldn't stop thinking about the dog but I just didn't have the extra money for adoption fees right now. We pull up his picture and see that his adoption fee has been sponsored. It’s a sign! I decided I am going to Sedona on Sunday to get this dog. I tossed and turned all night on Saturday because I wanted to make the right decision. How do you know if you are a dog hoarder? Norm would never tell me no, but I don't think he is exactly on board. The younger kids who have to help take of dogs during the day are definitely not fans of this plan. And to be honest, I am not sure Pasta wants a friend. I tell myself she does, but I think she likes being my only dog. Yes, we have lots of dogs but she is my dedicated dog. Everyone has dogs that belong to them but we help each other caring for all of them. 
 
To keep myself from feeling sad about the dog and feeling anxious about not running, I clean house. It desperately needed it and I felt better after getting it done.  So I ended the week with 80 miles. Not where I wanted to be, but not too bad considering how sick I have been. 

This is going to sound odd, but I listened to a podcast solely for entertainment and find it to be really helpful for thinking about goals and reaching those goals. I love Conan O’Brien, but I love Adam Sandler even more. So I listened to Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend with Adam Sandler and in the first part he talks about how he had all this confidence because he just didn't know better. It was just really interesting to hear his approach to his career and view of himself.  And then the rest of the interview of was just super funny. 
 
Monday:
Since I had the day off at the community college I was able to sleep in a bit before heading out for my run. Which was good for many reasons. For one thing, I am sleeping like shit so I am exhausted. Also, when I wake up for the millionth time I am starving hungry. I also have a sore throat so I eat some food and have some tea with honey. I really can’t afford to get sick right now. It’s not a good time training wise so this needs to go away fast. And even though I know what the studies say about vitamin C if you are already sick (in a nutshell, too late) I am doing all the vitamin C I can find.
 
I don't normally eat before a run if I am running first thing, Usually just a cup of coffee and then I am out the door. But I woke up hungry so I had a granola bar with my coffee. I was afraid if I didn't I would never make I through 15 miles. 
 
Trying to take it easy today to let my legs have another day to recover. Here’s a tip, if you get lost in a neighborhood it is easy to get all your miles done. I mixed it up with some easy hills in a neighborhood on road and some trail. I got totally lost trying to find the pedestrian bridge over the 51 into Dreamy Draw, but that worked in my favor. 
 
I head to the kindergarten to find I have 2 students and the Jewish studies teacher is running late. So I spend half an hour waiting on her and the other hour and a half playing Lego’s and watching the clock tick in an excruciatingly slow manner. 
 
I meet Hayley at Echo coffee shop after work so we can catch up and talk about my racing and training schedule. She’s a good person to bounce ideas of off. I ate a brownie that I really should not have eaten, but again, starving. 
 
I left Hayley and went to yoga. When I got home at 7:30 Norm was asleep, 2 kids were gone and 2 were doing whatever they do. Pasta waited patiently for me to eat dinner and answer emails so we could go to bed. I had two huge plates of food and then a third smaller plate so I wouldn’t wake up hungry in the middle of the night.
 
Tuesday:
Why am I not sleeping well? Like I am awake several times a night. It’s really getting on my nerves. Despite not sleeping well, I am awake at 5:30am. I toss and turn and get up at 6am. I have coffee and a granola bar and hope that it won’t be a problem during a speed work. 
 
What I really should have been worried about was the wind. Why is it always gale force winds on speed work days? So annoying.  I purposely run into the wind as much as possible for my warm up to avoid it on the speed part as much as possible. I did a 3 mile warm up and then half a mile at about 6:20 to 6:30 pace with a half mile easy (meaning around 8 min pace or better). I was happy so happy to finish that last speed work half mile into the wind. I very much enjoyed my 3 mile cool down. 
 
I have been trying to get weights back into the rotation, but time is hard to find. I have been getting it in about once a week. I really want to get it done twice a week. I took a little time to get some work done and start some laundry before a 35 minute weight session. I should have worked a little harder. Next time.  
 
Went to yoga after work. Driving there I listened to a podcast with David Goggins. The interviewer read the first sentence from his book and I was hooked. So yoga class is just going along and all of the sudden the instructor asks if any one know who David Goggins is and I was a little bit overly excited to announce to everyone that I did. She later told me she almost finished it one night. I am going to add it to the stack of books that I never have time to read. You should definitely recommend it.
 
My youngest is really sick. I tried to get a doctor’s appointment but because we haven't been there in a few years it would be considered a new patient and they wont see him until next week. Never mind that he says he can’t breath very well. So I grab a fast bite at home and we head to Phoenix’s Children’s urgent care. Speaking of sick, I feel like whatever I have is moving into my chest and I am starting to feel a bit panicky. 
 
Wednesday:
Yep, definitely sick.  Now the goal is to try to keep this from becoming the plague that my child currently has. A head cold is one thing, but if this moves into my chest then training becomes really difficult. Luckily it was an easy day and so I took it very easy. I stayed mostly on roads. When I get sick I always feel like I don't trust myself on trails. I don't know why. Maybe my balance is off or maybe I am kinda dragging my feet because I don't feel good. Whatever the reason, I always feel like a bad fall is imminent when I am sick so I avoid the trails. I did run hilly roads because I wanted to get some climbing in. I was almost finished and running through what I consider a pretty nice neighborhood when I encountered an older lady out getting her mail. As I passed she said, “you’re brave.” I just chuckled, but I was confused. What did she mean? I was brave to run? I was brave to run in her neighborhood? It’s a decent neighborhood. Did she think my shorts were too short for a woman my age and was passing judgment? I guess I’ll never know. I mean I could knock on her door and ask, but that seems weird. It’s weird, right? 
 
No yoga today because I tutor on Wednesday afternoons. I can’t say names for privacy reasons, but this kid is one of my most favorite students ever and I love working with him. It’s always a lot of fun. 
 
I got home and made enchiladas. I also informed my family that this was the last meal I would be preparing until after Black Canyon. I am just going to buy a bunch of food and people can make what they want. I am officially in the business of training and resting and that is pretty much it. I even told my college class this morning to not expect a lot of me for the next 3 weeks. Luckily, they were very understanding and excited to talk about my racing and training. A lot of my class revolves around ultra running, movies, podcasts, articles, so they learn a lot about ultra running.
 
Norm is registered for the 88K at Whiskey Basin and despite me giving him a very simple and easy plan he is not running at all. I fear his performance is going to reflect poorly on me.
 
I ate dinner, took cold medicine and went to bed.

Thursday:
I love cold medicine! Not really, it makes me feel like shit but I slept like a log! At 7am I was still sleeping and Norm came in to ask how I felt. I am thinking in my head, did this asshole just come in here and wake me up to ask me how I am feeling? But he followed up with I am about to do dishes and make some noise. I sleep in a room that is off the kitchen so he was trying to be nice. He also makes the most noise of anyone I have ever met when he is washing dishes. Even when I am not sleeping I have to move far away because the noise makes my nervous system hurt. He also breaks the most dishes of anyone washing dishes that I have ever known. I feel like there is a correlation here. 
 
I texted Charlie to discus my plan to keep my running volume the same while reducing intensity while I fight this cold, but he didn't respond before I finished my coffee so I set out on 13 very easy miles on the canal. I came to home to see that Charlie thinks I should rest for the duration of the week. Yeah, I don't think so buddy. I was going to skip yoga, but I started feeling really guilty about it. I am feeling better this afternoon. A little tired, but not as sick symptom wise. I know there is a balance between knowing when to keep training and knowing when to rest and I am not ready to rest yet. But I will take it easy at yoga. Probably. 
 
Friday:
I went for a short 6 mile run on the trails to test out some shoes. I had a pair of Salomon S labs to try out. Just picking them up I was shocked by how light they were. They are definitely a trail racing flat. It reminded me of putting on racing flats back when I ran roads all the time. The pair I had were too big so I put on a pair of Norm’s super thick socks and it worked okay, but I need to try a smaller size. 
 
I felt okay on my run but not great. I was feeling a little tired after, but needed to get grocery shopping done. I did my Costco and Target run and got home in time to eat lunch and change clothes for work.
 
I thought I might get a second run done, but decided to listen to my body and not run. I struggle with I need to be training because Black Canyon is so close and I need to rest because Black Canyon is so close.
 
I only have 4 more months of teaching. Norm and I had a discussion about what to do when this school year is over. I tell Norm that over the last couple months while I have made running the priority I have been happier than I have been in a long time. Norm says that we need make sure that I can continue to make running the priority. The problem with that is we are struggling financially and that can't continue or soon we will be homeless. It wasn’t intentional to work a few hours a day, it was just how it worked out. While it’s great for my running, it is not great for my bank account. We talked about my options for next school year. I am still not sure what I am going to do. It's a conversation i have probably related in this blog a million times. 

​Saturday:
I had really wanted to run a marathon today, but thank G-d that didn't;t work out financially because there is no way I could run a marathon today and be happy. The goal was tp try to run a sub 3 marathon and see where I am at fitness wise. That will have to wait until after Black Canyon. 

So instead the plan was to run 30 miles in the morning and 10 in the afternoon. I was awake in the middle of the night with a coughing fit and then had some trouble falling back asleep. But I still got 10 hours of sleep. That’s 3 nights in a row.  When I finally got up I had coffee and then headed out with Norm for a short run. 
 
Norm signed up for Whiskey Basin 88K so he really needs to start training. I mean that’s just my opinion.  We were going to run 6 miles, but made it 5.5 miles before Norm started to have knee pain and we had to walk home. If he doesn't stretch he gets terrible IT band problems, but he won’t stretch so he ends up with terrible knee problems. 
 
Again, I thought I might run in the afternoon. I did a little work, ate lunch and took a nap. Even after I woke up I just felt tired. I lay around for a bit. I decided to skip the afternoon run. Maybe if I rest today I can still get a long run done tomorrow? I am at 62 miles for the week right now, which isn't terrible. Not near my goal, but not terrible. So I skip running and just work on lessons plans for next week. 
 

​Sunday:
Slept in again. I am going to miss this! It’s the birthday of my favorite yoga instructor, harmony (she likes it spelled with a lower case h). I took Brandi with me today. We had bought a gift for harmony the night before (a light up unicorn journal). 
 
Class was packed! We are guessing around 70 people. We kept scooting to make room for more people. It was basically a mat to mat situation. But it was an amazing class! I know this sounds like a very “yoga person” thing to say, but the energy in that room was amazing. You could just feel how happy everyone was and the positive vibes of the room were amazing. It felt like everyone was working hard, but also really having a good time. I wish every class were like that. 
 
Brandi use to go to yoga with me all the time, back when I could afford 2 ​memberships. After class she said, “I know I keep saying that I miss yoga, but now that I went I really miss yoga. I feel so much happier.” I totally get it. So now I am on a mission to figure out how to get her back in class. I mean, I like potatoes. 
 
I felt really good in class and after. I was thinking I could definitely run this afternoon. But by about 1pm I was starting to feel tired and like I needed a nap. I know the going thought is when you think you are recovered, wait one more day. So I will wait one more day. But I am not happy about it. Except, I am kinda happy to take a nap.

I am super happy to announce that I am on the Aravaipa Racing Team again this year! It is such an honor to run for Aravaipa. I love hearing stories from people when I travel about how they love the races and the youtube videos. And I love Aravaipa races! Like a lot of people, it's where I did my first trail run and fell in love with trail running. 

Monday:
Back to the community college! I actually really missed teaching there. I love teaching psychology and I am super happy to be back in the classroom.  Since I teach at 8am and it’s pitch black outside until about 7am, I am running after I teach. 
 
I was home by 9:30. Chatted with the kids, changed clothes and headed out for a 9 mile run. Holy crap my legs are feeling tired. I am also getting really sick of running in circles in the same places. It's convenient to run the trails right behind my house, but I could use a change. The problem is I am short on time and adding drive time isn't usually an option. I could go straight from work, but with all of the break ins at trailheads I get nervous about having my purse and backpack with my computer in the car. I always hide them in my grocery shopping bags, but I still don't like the risk. 
 
I really did not want to run 9 miles and thought about cutting short, but I reminded myself to make my thoughts, words and actions align. I am also thankful to the person who posted on twitter last week that the right amount of clothing for a run in n-the last piece you added in a panic. It was cloudy and cold when I left and I was sorry I was in short sleeve top, but a few miles in the sun came out and it was sports bra weather.  
 
I came home, showered, ate and headed to work at the kindergarten. I am listening to a podcast called The End of the World with Josh Clark. The episode today was about the Fermi Paradox. After reading The Sixth Extinction last summer I am super fascinated by this idea that we are headed to extinction and in the end will be the ones responsible for our own extinction. 
 
Drive home, get some work done and leave again for yoga. 
 
Tuesday:
Speed work day. My legs are feeling tired and I am not looking forward to this. Plus, I am starting out running into the wind. After a 3 mile warm up I ran 2.5 miles (times 3) at what I wanted to be around 6:40 or better with a half-mile easy in between. I was only hitting about 6:50 pace but felt like I was sprinting running into the wind.  Luckily I got to turn and then 6:35 pace felt like a stroll in the park. 
 
I skipped morning yoga to color my hair. Norm says he can't see the gray, but he is also pretty blind. To me they are constantly screaming at me. It kinda makes me sad because I really like my natural hair but I am not going gray. Good for everyone who is embracing it, but I have always said I will go to my grave with blonde hair. 
 
My boss stopped me to ask how conversion was going. So maybe you are also wondering. I have stopped going to classes at the reform synagogue. I think the Rabbi there was right. I wouldn't feel right about a reform conversion. As my boss said “once you know you can't un know”. I am not saying anything bad about any one who is reform. I love the Rabbi there and hope to continue a relationship there with her. So for now, I will continue to practice and continue to study and maybe I will never convert, but I know I have a home at Chabad and for now that is enough.
 
I did go to afternoon yoga. 
 
Wednesday:
Today is a recovery day so I am meant to run easy. Luckily my legs are so freaking dead that it's pretty easy to do this. 9.5 miles relaxed and easy.
                                                        
Thursday:
I am running Coldwater Rumble as a training run this weekend so I dropped hill repeats from the work out today.  I ran 12 miles. My legs felt so much better! I guess taking those easy days easy really does work! 
 
I have had a $50 gift card to Poor Little Rich Girl since November. I decided to go buy some yoga clothes. It kinds grosses me out to buy someone’s used yoga pants, but I only have two pairs of yoga pants and I go to yoga 5 to 6 days a week. I also do not have $100 for yoga pants. Used yoga pants are $18. It was buy three get one free so I got three pairs of pants and yoga tank for $4 after using my gift card. 
 
Wore my new yoga pants to yoga in the afternoon.
 
Friday:
I woke up at 2am with a terrible stomachache and ended up be pretty sick. I had trouble going back to sleep after that. Ugh! This is not what I wanted right before Coldwater Rumble. After tossing and turning for almost an hour I turned on a podcast about roundabouts because I felt certain that would put me right to sleep. I was right.
 
Luckily I was able to sleep in.
 
I got up and had some coffee and breakfast. My stomach was still feeling a little off. After some grocery shopping I went for a short run just to keep everything loose. I really didn't want to have to force myself to run on a Friday after work. I ended up getting home later than I wanted because I was trying to find some Skratch. I never did find any. Luckily Enzo agreed to go by REI and pick some up for me.  I get home and realize I forgot to wash running clothes and I need them clean for tomorrow morning. I ate dinner early and packed my bag for the morning. 
 
 
Saturday:
Coldwater Rumble 52 mile is on the schedule for today. This is a chance to practice for Black Canyon 100K. I woke up feeling dehydrated, which didn't seem optimal. I had my coffee and got ready to leave. It always seems like no matter what I eat for breakfast it sits like a log in my stomach. I really wanted toast, but we have no food in the house so I settled on a cheese quesadilla. (That shopping trip on Friday was things like dog food, laundry detergent, and other household crap.) The quesadilla was not gluten or dairy free but I felt like I could get it down. Brandi was nice enough to drive me to the race. I was so nervous in the car. I kept telling myself that it was just a training run and to calm down. It wasn’t working. Brandi drops me off and I find Norm to tape my watch on. Yes, my watchband is still broken. If I haven't mentioned it, we are barely getting by so watch bands are not in the budget. Hopefully my classes at the college will fill up (enrollment is down 17%) and we can get on stable financial footing.
 
Time to start and everyone is standing so far behind the start line. I push my way up right before the count down. I know we are headed straight to a climb and I just want to get as far out front as possible so as not to get stuck in the conga line. A couple guys pass me as we start the climb. I step aside and let a guy pass me on the downhill. He tells me he is a terrible downhill runner and I assure him that title goes to me. I end running right behind him for a while. I ask if I am bothering him. He says no. I tell him that if I pass I will be running faster than I want. He says he is happy to have company and we chat for a bit. He asks my goal time and I say 8 hours while I worry he will judge me and think I am crazy. He doesn’t. Later we are talking about upcoming races. When I tell him I am running Black Canyon he asks if I am going for a golden ticket. I tell him that isn’t the plan. I just want a good day. He tells me if I can run 8 hours today he will be putting money on me getting a golden ticket. Then we talk a bit about running 100 mile races and Western States. We hit the flat section on the back half of the course and I lose him. The sand isn't slowing me down. Norm says he thinks it’s because I run more on my mid foot that on my toes. 
 
At about mile 17 my watch dies. I must not have had it on the charger correctly. I usually double check it and for whatever reason I didn't check it this time. I try to not let this throw me off. I can still the see the time and I know at what time I should be hitting aid stations. Ad I am hitting the aid stations exactly on time. The first 2 loops went mostly well. After leaving Pederson AS I knew I was going to run out of water and I did. And even though I knew it was the wrong thing to do I guzzled water at the next aid station. This caused my stomach to be less than happy. Now my stomach hurts, but I am also so thirsty that I keep drinking. I head out on the final 12 miles and I am really not thrilled about this. I just want to be done. My watch totally dies and now I can't see the time either. I also had told myself no walking until I got to the final 12 mile loop. Looking back I regret the walking, but oh well. I don't normally look at maps. I prefer to not know, but I had looked at the map and now I am confused even though I followed the signs. It doesn't seem right. I start walking thinking that I have messed up and ruined my race, but I don't know how.  Why do I walk when I think I am lost? I always know I shouldn’t but I still do. Luckily I run into Becky and Pete and we chat and they tell me I am going the right way. Thank Gd! They saved my race. 
 
At the last aid station I know I have 4 miles but with no watch I have no way to count it down. I had put my headphones in for this loop so I decided that 3 songs is a mile. It must have been shorter than 3 songs because I think I have a mile and a half left but all of sudden I can see the road. I yell, “Are you fucking kidding me?” to no one. And have never run so fast down a hill and I pushed it hard on the road to finish as fast as possible. 
 
8 hours and 21 minutes! I know it was my goal, but I still kinda can't believe I did it. It’s a 2 hour and 24 minute PR for the 50-mile distance. I mean my 50-mile races have all been a disaster so it's about time. I don't think I will be making these big PR’s at this distance any more. I feel like I lost about 10 minutes talking to people who were asking me questions and waiting for horses to pass me. I was in and out of aid stations in 2 minutes or less. . A huge thanks to all the aid station volunteers! They could all tell I was on a mission and they were all hands on deck getting me in and out of aid stations. It was noticed and appreciated. As for that last 12 miles, maybe I should have walked less, but I’m happy. After the race Norm told someone that I was ecstatic. I corrected him and said, “I'm happy. I would have been ecstatic if I had finished in 8 hours.” 
 
The mental training I mentioned from the Outside podcast last week was a huge part of my day and my success. I just kept reminding myself to stay in the moment. Even if things were not so great, I just acknowledged it and told myself moments change so do what you need in this moment and don't worry about future moments. I had good moments and I had bad moments and I when things were bad I told myself to back off a bit and when I felt in the groove I told myself to enjoy that moment and push the pace. Maybe it was good that I never knew my pace? 

I made a change to my drink strategy and started with Skratch instead of waiting to add it later in the race. I went through 3 singles over the course of the race. I alternated with water and Skratch. I ate pb&j sandwiches at the aid stations. It worked well so this will be the strategy at Black Canyon. 
 
I saw my new friend finish his race. He ended up being first male in a little over 9 hours. I went over to congratulate him. He asked about my time and when I told him he said, “you have a big race coming up this summer.” Very kind of him, but my goal for Black Canyon is still to have a good day. I can finish in the top 5 women I would be happy. I would like to finish in 10 hours. I know it's aggressive and maybe out of reach, but I might as well try. 
 
I always remember the song playing when I do really well in a race. It was Uproar by Lil Wayne this time.

Sunday:
I was so looking forward to sleeping in! I should have known better. I slept like crap. I was up so many times during the night. This is typical post race. I always think I will sleep like a log and I never do. By 5:30am I couldn't go back to sleep. I am out of coffee and there is still no food in the house so I treated myself to coffee and a bagel from Starbucks. I could have just gone to the store but I was wearing my robe and house shoes and did not want to put on actual clothes. 
 
I won’t be doing any running today. I finished out my week with 100 miles. I did go to yoga thinking that I would have to take it easy, but nope, I was my regular yoga self.  The only thing sore is the bottom of my feet. I have been rolling them with a golf ball.
 
Did some grocery shopping, which everyone appreciated and cleaned up a little around the house. 
 
A huge thank you to everyone who keeps me running! Mark Cosmas at iRun for keeping me in shoes. Not the house shoes, but actual running shoes. Charlie Boeynik at Cadence Physical Therapy for dealing with my many text message questions. Rabbit for the amazing running clothes they supply for the racing team. Madison Improvement Club for all their love and support.