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Kristina PHAM
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Racing again

12/10/2019

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Monday:
It was a chilly morning. I really need to get warmer gloves. My legs were feeling like lead from adding weights and yoga to my routine. I take it easy and wait for the feeling of not wanting to run to subside. I have learned that a lot of times the first few miles feel like torture, but once I warm up and get a few miles done, I am usually happy to keep running.  But today I couldn’t shake the not interested feeling. I got to 8 miles and called it a day. 
 
In another type of endurance event Norm and I spent the afternoon trying to finish Chanukah shopping. Since only Ava and I will be together for Chanukah, we are celebrating as a family a bit early.  But that meant we needed to buy gifts. Norm was a trooper. He did need a vanilla ice cream cone to keep his strength up. 
 
I went to a new yoga class in the evening. It’s called Yoga for Athletic Balance. Sage Rountree teaches it, and I was really excited to take a class taught by her. I didn’t leave enough time for traffic. The studio is a mile from my house. I didn’t expect traffic to be an issue. I got to class will a couple of minutes to spare. Sage was lovely and chatted with me like we were old friends.  The class was not exactly what I expected, but it was good. 
 
Tuesday:
Tuesday is a very long day for me. Before the time change, I would sometimes run early in the morning. Even in the dark, I can run on the UNC campus and feel very safe. It is well lit, and there are always people about. But now it is dark and bitterly cold at 5 am, and so I have been squeezing all my miles into five days a week.  It was difficult for me to take a rest day. I start to get antsy. But I also knew that my body needed it. 
 
My insomnia is back with a vengeance. I am not underpaid at this point, but we are trying to keep two houses going, and that gets expensive. We also moved into an empty house and coming from Phoenix are woefully underprepared for the weather in North Carolina. Add in all the money I just spent on races and plane tickets and guess who isn’t sleeping? Me, it’s me that isn’t sleeping. 
 
I go to work and struggle to keep my eyes open. When I get home, I really want a nap, but I am worried this will keep me from sleeping at night. 
 
Wednesday:
I head out on what I tell Norm will be a 12-mile run that ends up being a 16-mile run. The temps aren’t too bad. Especially as the sun starts to warm me up. I try to take it easy because I am racing this weekend. It’s not an A race, but I want to do well. 
 
I felt fine during my run but develop a terrible headache after coming home. I let my students know I will be having remote office hours and work from my couch in my sweatpants. 
Thursday:
I was wide awake at 4 am so I could have run some miles, but it was 27 degrees out. Cold seems worse in the dark. My headache is gone, but now my stomach is killing me. I manage to get out the door and to work. I get some work done but decided to call it a day early because of my stomach. I had thought I would get some miles done in the afternoon, but I didn’t.
 
 
Friday:
I ran a nice easy 12-mile run. We have lunch at Whole Foods and do some grocery shopping. I go to yoga in the evening. 
 
The yoga classes I have been going to in Chapel Hill couldn’t be any farther away from the classes I loved in Phoenix. At the Madison, the classes were hard and felt like a workout, but they were also good for my mental state. Here I have been going to classes that are more relaxing and focused on flexibility and counteracting all the damage we do in daily in life. It’s okay, and it seems to be working to keep my heel happy, but I miss my yoga classes at the Madison. I miss the feeling of working hard, but I also miss the music and the people I have become friends with and the whole atmosphere. And I miss the mental benefits. At this point, I might as well just stretch at home.
 
I am early to yoga today. I am 15 minutes early. I go into the class and take my phone with me because there is no clock in the room and I need to know when I need to go pee before class starts as I had a large coffee recently. The teacher notices I take my phone in, probably because I am the only person there and tells me that she doesn’t allow phones in the room. I explain why I brought mine in and we both laugh, and I put my phone in my shoe, take a pee and hope for the best.
 
This is what I hate most about all the yoga studios I have been to in North Carolina so far. They all take yoga way too seriously. I am not there as some sort of religious practice. I am there to do something I enjoy, that brings me pleasure and is good for me. Don’t tell me I can’t talk to the other people in the room before class and don’t tell me I can’t bring my phone in. It isn’t like I am busting it out during class, but if you demand that people arrive so freaking early to get a spot and find parking then if I want to read emails, play games or catch up on Instagram with my time before class, that is my business, not yours. Maybe Patty thinks it’s nice to meditate before class, and maybe Bob likes to do some extra stretching, but sometimes I have had a busy day and catching up on something that is on my phone is what I find relaxing before class. Okay, rant over.
 
And FYI, I didn’t really enjoy her class. Bossiness is a definite personality trait. She kept giving us these complicated instructions and then scolding people for not getting a bird’s eye view. I spent a fourth of the class just watching her demonstrate how to roll up blankets.
 
After class Norm and I go to a running store by my house. It’s okay, but I miss my local shop. I know they mean well but… Anyways I decided not by any Skratch because they only have some flavor I have never used and it is passionfruit, so I am not anxious to try it. I ask about Saucony gloves because they make a pair I really want, but I keep not ordering so I am currently wearing double gloves when I run to keep my hands warm. The lady tells me they didn’t make them this year. I tell her that they have them online I have just been lazy about ordering but thanks. As I am walking away, she is still telling me some story about how she thinks they didn’t make them for stores this year or something. I don’t know. Just say you don’t have them — end of story. I need to figure out where the locally owned running store is located. 
 
 
Saturday:
I have all these terrible nightmares about things going wrong at my race. This usually happens when I haven’t raced in a while. I am trying to not be stressed out, but it’s not working. I am running a half marathon to see where I am fitness-wise. I am feeling good and thinking I might run a PR. The race is a 10-minute drive from the house. We get there an hour early, and no one is there. The crowd does get bigger, but it always feels small and manageable. 
 
I did a warm-up on the course and was a little sad to realize that the last mile was going to be some tough climbing for a road race. (It felt like Everest during the race.)
 
The race starts, and it’s a bit of a tight start with some tight turns on top of each other, but then we are on the Tobacco Trail, and we can spread out. There is a lady who appears to be older than me, and she is all over me.  She sticks with me for a bit. A few times she pulls ahead of me, and when I try to pass, she tries to block me This shit pisses me off. This isn’t high school cross country. We are two old ladies running a tiny half marathon. Get a grip. I had to go off the path and into the grass at one point. After a few miles, she dropped off, and I never saw her again. A few miles later another lady pulls up next me and then proceeds to run right next to me and so fucking close. I was really tempted to tell her that if she were going to stay next to me, it would make more sense to run behind me. She didn’t stay with me for long and I was back to running on my own. I was pretty solidly in second place for much of the race. Then with maybe a mile and a half to go, I get passed, but a young lady that I am guessing is in high school. I had nothing to give to chase her done. I tried, but it wasn’t there. I did close the gap, but she finished seconds in front of me. 
 
I have raced on the Tobacco Trail before, and the tree cover totally screws with my watch. It makes it difficult to know what pace I am running. But when I would get a break in tree cover and look at my watch, it would say I was running 6:15min/mile or faster. I was feeling good and thinking I was going to have a great day. At the halfway point, I checked my time and was dumbfounded. There was no way I was running as fast as I thought. I realize that I am going to finish around an hour and twenty-six minutes but probably slower because there is going to be some climbing on the way back. 
 
I finished in 1:27:41. Seriously unhappy about that. I even spent part of the day trying to find another half marathon in the next week or so because I am so not happy with my results. And I am left with a lot of confusion. I thought I was running fast, but I wasn’t, so could I have run faster? I thought I was running a 6:15 pace and felt fine. If I had known I was running slower, could I have pushed the pace more? As the day wore on. I was just more and more depressed. 
 
I also regretted my decision not to buy passion fruit Skratch. If I don’t drink a packet of Skratch after a race, I have a headache that won’t go away and an upset stomach. Finally, at 5 pm when we went back to the running store, and I bought the passionfruit. I drink it down and instantly feel better. And the passion fruit wasn’t too bad. Kind reminded me of tea.
 
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Picture from the course
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​Sunday:
I had zero motivation to get out the door today. And it was 28 degrees out when I did leave. The first 4 miles weren’t too bad. I had slept in somewhat late for me so there was more traffic than I would like. Around mile 8, my stomach had started to hurt. I kept running because I wanted to get to 16 miles. I decided to run in the Carolina Forest, one of my favorite places, but that didn’t help. My stomach was not great. I did get 16 miles, but it wasn’t pretty. 
 
I go to yoga in the afternoon because my foot is less than happy today. I shouldn’t have skipped it yesterday. There was an excessive amount of meditating in this class. We started with 2 minutes of meditating. Okay, that’s fine. We did breathe work. Fine, but not going to take care of my tight calves. Finally, we get to class but wrapped things up with 10 minutes of savasana. He said he likes a long savasana and we would be doing 10 minutes I almost had a panic attack. I can’t sit still in silence for that long. I have a lot of guilt, stress and more guilt. I don’t need 10 minutes alone with my head. Then he followed that with more meditating and breathe work.  Is it unreasonable to fly home just to go to a yo
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