You know how your mom always said, if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything.” Well, that explains why I have been absent from the blogging world. I haven’t had anything nice to say. I am going to try to explain what has been going on with me and not sound like a spoiled brat.
I worked hard to come back from being injured and was really happy with the way the end of the year wrapped up for me. Placing 2nd in the Sky Running Series and setting American AG records on the track at Desert Solstice felt really good. I was thrilled to be asked to be a part of the Aravaipa Racing Team again. I love being a part of the team and love representing Aravaipa.
But… I had also applied for a couple sponsorships and an ambassador program and was turned down by all of them. Ouch! I had decided to run the Sky Running Series again. I felt like I knew where I had made mistakes in training (I coach myself) and thought I could come back stronger. I asked for an elite entry (i.e. comp entry) to a sky race and the answer was no. Double ouch! I was 2nd in the series, which does not give you free entry to the races but come on. And let’s be honest, the cost of the race fee is the smallest cost of these races for me. It’s the travel and taking my whole family to live at altitude that costs me a lot of money. So what hurt was not the money, but that in my head it felt like 2nd place meant nothing. I am back to feeling like it was a participation award. All my self doubts were being confirmed. And then the cherry on top. I ran the Sun Health Marathon. It’s a race I have run multiple times and I love. I felt like I was in really good shape. I often go to the start line not really sure about the day, but this time I felt confident. I wanted to run a PR and I thought I was there. Instead of running my fastest marathon, I ran the slowest marathon I have run since I started running competitively. I was devastated. I cried off and on for days. I always ask myself, “what is the universe trying to tell me?” I was getting a feeling the message was running competitively is not for you. I told my family and Hayley at Aravaipa that I was done running competitively. I decided we would use our money this year to fix up the house instead of traveling to Colorado for me to race and train. I scrapped my whole race schedule. I barely ran for 2 weeks. I only ran because Norm was training for Old Pueblo 50 and if I stayed in bed, he would too.
Somehow while having this nervous breakdown I came across a race called the High Lonesome 100. 100 miles in the Sawatch Mountains. I couldn't stop looking at the website and thinking about the race. In the meantime, I started to feel a little better and after talking to Ian Torrence about Stagecoach 55K I decided to sign up. September is a long way off, but at least I had something on the calendar to feel excited about.
Back to the 100 mile race that kept nagging me. I would be so excited thinking about it, but every time I sat down to sign up I would panic and not do it. My family took a vote and said do it. My friends said do it. My husband and Hayley both asked me, “is this really what you want to do?” The problem was I wasn’t sure. I couldn't separate out what I wanted to do and felt like I needed to do to prove myself. I came to the realization that for me, those two things are one and the same. As Cheryl Miller said, “you want to show people you are beast, so go show them you are a beast.” (I am a beast might join the motivational signs I post all over the house.)
Saturday night I pulled the trigger and signed up for the race. I alternate between excited and terrified. The training plan is written. Right now my biggest concern is getting the training done. Between teaching at the community college and the elementary school and trying to write my dissertation, time is a definite concern. I would rather put training first and my jobs second, but I am not sure that either boss or my students would approve of that prioritizing.
So today was day one of training… kind of. I run my long run on Sunday and then a medium long run on Monday. A new training week for me actually starts on Tuesday, but today I left for my run having an end goal.
I worked hard to come back from being injured and was really happy with the way the end of the year wrapped up for me. Placing 2nd in the Sky Running Series and setting American AG records on the track at Desert Solstice felt really good. I was thrilled to be asked to be a part of the Aravaipa Racing Team again. I love being a part of the team and love representing Aravaipa.
But… I had also applied for a couple sponsorships and an ambassador program and was turned down by all of them. Ouch! I had decided to run the Sky Running Series again. I felt like I knew where I had made mistakes in training (I coach myself) and thought I could come back stronger. I asked for an elite entry (i.e. comp entry) to a sky race and the answer was no. Double ouch! I was 2nd in the series, which does not give you free entry to the races but come on. And let’s be honest, the cost of the race fee is the smallest cost of these races for me. It’s the travel and taking my whole family to live at altitude that costs me a lot of money. So what hurt was not the money, but that in my head it felt like 2nd place meant nothing. I am back to feeling like it was a participation award. All my self doubts were being confirmed. And then the cherry on top. I ran the Sun Health Marathon. It’s a race I have run multiple times and I love. I felt like I was in really good shape. I often go to the start line not really sure about the day, but this time I felt confident. I wanted to run a PR and I thought I was there. Instead of running my fastest marathon, I ran the slowest marathon I have run since I started running competitively. I was devastated. I cried off and on for days. I always ask myself, “what is the universe trying to tell me?” I was getting a feeling the message was running competitively is not for you. I told my family and Hayley at Aravaipa that I was done running competitively. I decided we would use our money this year to fix up the house instead of traveling to Colorado for me to race and train. I scrapped my whole race schedule. I barely ran for 2 weeks. I only ran because Norm was training for Old Pueblo 50 and if I stayed in bed, he would too.
Somehow while having this nervous breakdown I came across a race called the High Lonesome 100. 100 miles in the Sawatch Mountains. I couldn't stop looking at the website and thinking about the race. In the meantime, I started to feel a little better and after talking to Ian Torrence about Stagecoach 55K I decided to sign up. September is a long way off, but at least I had something on the calendar to feel excited about.
Back to the 100 mile race that kept nagging me. I would be so excited thinking about it, but every time I sat down to sign up I would panic and not do it. My family took a vote and said do it. My friends said do it. My husband and Hayley both asked me, “is this really what you want to do?” The problem was I wasn’t sure. I couldn't separate out what I wanted to do and felt like I needed to do to prove myself. I came to the realization that for me, those two things are one and the same. As Cheryl Miller said, “you want to show people you are beast, so go show them you are a beast.” (I am a beast might join the motivational signs I post all over the house.)
Saturday night I pulled the trigger and signed up for the race. I alternate between excited and terrified. The training plan is written. Right now my biggest concern is getting the training done. Between teaching at the community college and the elementary school and trying to write my dissertation, time is a definite concern. I would rather put training first and my jobs second, but I am not sure that either boss or my students would approve of that prioritizing.
So today was day one of training… kind of. I run my long run on Sunday and then a medium long run on Monday. A new training week for me actually starts on Tuesday, but today I left for my run having an end goal.
Thanks to Mario Ram for capturing this picture of me running this morning.
